New Osama tape surfaces...

...which pretty much means that John Kerry just lost the election. Like I needed another reason to hate Osama...

The Things You Do For Love

My next-door neighbor when I was a kid was a big ex-G.I. named Jack. He was big and strong and the whole neighborhood would shake on those occasions when he would yell at his dogs, which was most every day. Looking back, he was never anything less than kind towards us neighborhood kids—provided we weren’t foolhardy enough to date his daughter—but we always made extra sure to stay on his good side just the same.

There was one thing about Jack that kept all of us kids curious. We noticed that when he was out mowing the lawn without a shirt on or reaching out from under his truck to grab a wrench, Jack had the most remarkable thing tattooed to his arm: a woman wearing a long-sleeved gown. This didn’t make sense. My great uncle was a World War Two veteran and he had a dragon tattooed on his arm. My friends and I once saw a biker at Ron’s Variety Store who had a big skull and crossbones etched in his arm. So why would big, burly Jack be caught waltzing around with a school marm prominently displayed on his forearm?

I never did work up the courage to ask him about it. But I did the next best thing—I asked his wife, Helen, while he was at work. Turns out that she was a widow with a young son when her and Jack met. Jack was good to her; he was good to her son. The courtship was rightly assumed by everyone to be progressing to marriage until one day the woman saw Jack in a short–sleeved shirt: he had a tattoo of a naked lady on his arm! Jack explained that it was a souvenir he discovered after he came to from a weekend on shore leave!

It didn’t really matter to Helen what state of consciousness he was in when he had the offending tattoo applied. She had her own self-respect to consider, and she also had her young son to think about. Although it was painful, she told Jack that she could never, ever marry a man with something like that tattooed on his arm.

Since laser-removal didn’t exist back in the fifties, and it was unlikely that he could find a doctor willing to do a frivolous amputation, Jack did the only thing he could do to undo his mistake and re-win Helen’s love: He had an evening gown tattooed overtop of the woman! He showed up at the woman’s apartment with an engagement ring and a short-sleeved shirt and love triumphed! The ribbing he received from the guys at the steel mill didn’t compare to the joy he had over his newfound family.

It’s funny the things people will do for love. We spend so much of our time trying to give the appearance of having it all under control, but for the sake of love, we’re so willing to play the fool. Taking dancing lessons… Walking through the mall carrying a giant stuffed-animal gift… Wearing matching sweaters… The ridicule you may incur from the odd coworker that you run into—and believe me, you will run into a coworker—still seems a decent trade for the affection you’ll receive. Zacchaeus was one of the most foolish people in all of the gospels, and this is the story of the very wise thing he did:

Jesus entered Jericho and was passing through. A man was there by the name of Zacchaeus; he was a chief tax collector and was wealthy. He wanted to see who Jesus was, but being a short man he could not, because of the crowd. So he ran ahead and climbed a sycamore-fig tree to see him, since Jesus was coming that way. (Luke 19: 1 – 4)

Zacchaeus was what you would call a white-collar criminal. He was just as much of a thief as a purse-snatcher, but he got away with his thievery because he did it weekdays from 9 to 5. His racket was to collect taxes for the Roman Empire from his neighbors. The beauty of it was that Rome allowed him to set his own commission rate. So in a busy center of commerce like Jericho, Zacchaeus was able to shake a lot of extra drachmas out of people.

As you can probably imagine, everybody hated this guy. Even more than people hate Martha Stewart. But there wasn’t much they could do about him, because if things got out of hand—say a taxpayer revolt—Zacchaeus could pick up his cell-phone and have the Roman National Guard there in a heartbeat. Now, he had to be kind of careful about how often he called, because if Rome got the impression that he wasn’t capable of managing his territory they could always appoint somebody else as chief tax collector.

So above all else, it was important that Zacchaeus carried himself with dignity and authority. So what does he do when Jesus comes to town? He climbs up a tree! I guess we all have moments when the facade slips and we’re seen in a less than dignified light. He had probably heard enough rumors about Jesus that his curiosity to observe this amazing teacher beat out his pride.

When Jesus reached the spot, he looked up and said to him, "Zacchaeus, come down immediately. I must stay at your house today." So he came down at once and welcomed him gladly. All the people saw this and began to mutter, "He has gone to be the guest of a 'sinner.' " (Luke 19: 5 – 7)

Usually the scriptures say that the Pharisees were the ones doing the muttering. But in Zacchaeus’ case it says all the people began to mutter. Everybody really hated this guy! The victimized people didn’t understand that Zacchaeus, for all his credit cards, the Mini Cooper, and the pool in the back yard was in reality wretchedly, wretchedly poor. He was suffering from what Mother Theresa called “the most terrible poverty” of all—“loneliness and the feeling of being unloved.”

So can you imagine what it must have felt like to Zacchaeus when Jesus called him down out of the tree? The lump in the throat, the heart skipping a beat, the sting of holding back tears, the indescribable wow that radiates out from your heart to the rest of your body… I’m kind of surprised that Zacchaeus didn’t fall right out of the tree.

Jesus did something very brave that day: He allowed his own reputation to be damaged so that he could reach out in love to Zacchaeus. He didn’t allow his ministry to people to be confined by any man-made social or religious construct. And we would do well to follow in his example. I’m not that old, but I’ve seen plenty of evangelism efforts come and go in my time. I remember revival meetings, coffeehouses, bus ministry, Chick Tracts, Evangelism Explosion, cell groups, Christian concerts, music festivals, Promise Keepers and Billy Graham Films. I remember when we were “gonna win the world for Jesus” by 1980, 1990, and 2000. I guess the new figure getting kicked around is 2020. It’s not my intention to denigrate anyone’s effort. But I do wonder what would happen if we took a break from all the programs and simply do as Jesus did, which was to extend hospitality to all people? It would probably never sell!

But Zacchaeus stood up and said to the Lord, "Look, Lord! Here and now I give half of my possessions to the poor, and if I have cheated anybody out of anything, I will pay back four times the amount." Jesus said to him, "Today salvation has come to this house, because this man, too, is a son of Abraham. For the Son of Man came to seek and to save what was lost." Luke 19: 8 - 10

No one infuriates people so like the white-collar criminal: his crimes are hard to investigate and even harder to prosecute. It’s so easy for the perpetrator to rationalize his behavior, too, when he’s embezzling money rather than, say, snatching purses, because he doesn’t feel like a criminal. But Zacchaeus doesn’t pull a Kenneth Lay and say but I’m only the CEO. Instead, he melts under the grace and love that is lavished on him by the Christ. In response to the connection he makes with God, he also reconnects to his fellow Israelites and offers charity and a restitution well above the guidelines outlined in the law. So often we talk about salvation as if it’s a spiritual abstraction or formula. But the story of Zacchaeus demonstrates a salvation that’s not only a spiritual restoration, but a physical and emotional restoration in the community as well.

We aren’t that unlike Zacchaeus, are we? In our own unique and personal and even sometimes ridiculous ways we climb our own tree to catch a glimpse of the Christ. The things we do for love: We visit a church… We read the Bible… We volunteer... We begin to pray again… And we experience those wonderful moments when we are struck by the realization that we aren’t so much the seeker, as the sought after. Truly in the end, we understand that we aren’t even the one on a tree—that place reserved for Christ alone.

The things a person will do for love!

ILL-LEGAL

I've noticed that my local radio station has taken to pronouncing eighteen-year old girls "legal" during their birthday announcements, as in, Birthday wishes going out to Jane So-and-So of Jamestown who turns legal today... Is it just me overreacting or is that rude? It's not like I'm listening to Howard Stern -- this is a little radio station in the middle of the cow patch I call home. I realize that some magazines and websites have countdown clocks ticking away every second until Hilary Duff's or Lindsay Lohan's respective eighteenth birthdays, but when did this kind of crudeness become mainstream?

A+ Weekend

I think I just had the best weekend ever! Here's 16 reasons why:

1. Friday, 8:30 am: I woke up and ate a stromboli for breakfast just because I could.
   
2. Friday, noon: I met with some agencies who are very interested in some cooperative work with young people in Chautauqua County.
   
3. Friday, 2:30 pm: I hightailed it to Fredonia where Lamont got her tattoo modified. As I sat in the waiting room, listening to Lamont scream (just kidding), I noticed that someone had left reprints of vintage Mad Magazines lying around. Ah! Comedy, thy name is Melvin!
   
4. Friday, 4:30 pm. I check my e-mail and find out that a satire piece Mr. X and I wrote may be published in an upcoming issue of The Door Magazine.
   
5. Friday, 9 pm: Experiment House open its doors to thirteen people of varying ages from our church for pizza and board games.
   
6. Saturday, 8:30 am: My daughter surprises me with breakfast.
   
7. Saturday, 10 am: I skip the yardwork calling me and take a three-hour nap while Lamont is out shopping.
   
8. Saturday, 2:30 pm: My son and I work on vintage Aurora Monster Model Kits in honor of the upcoming Halloween holiday.
   
9. Saturday, 7 pm: One of my good friends calls me out of the blue to go to laser tag. Hilarity ensues.
   
10. Saturday, 10 pm: Cheap Seats on ESPN Classic.
    
11. Saturday, 10:30 pm: Another episode of Cheap Seats on ESPN Classic.
    
12. Saturday, 11 pm: The best night's sleep in ages begins.
    
13. Sunday, 9:30 am: The best Sunday morning meeting in ages. The musicians sounded great, no one slept through my sermon. We had the largest attendance in ages, and it included a number of people I've been praying for. There was a real sense of community there today.
    
14. Sunday, 11 am: A member of our college group phones me and tells me that there's a $5 bin of MGM Midnite Movies at Wal-Mart.
    
15. Sunday, 11:01 am: I pee my pants.
    
16. Sunday, noon: I buy At Earth's Core, The Dunwich Horror, Twice Told Tales, and X-The Man With the X-Ray Eyes at Wal-Mart.
    
17. Sunday, 2 pm: Dinner and hanging out at my mom's house in Warren. We watch 3 of the DVDs.
    
18. Sunday, 9 pm: I jump onto Blogger and write this posting.
    

Guilty Pleasures

I don't get too much opportunity to watch TV with two kids in the house. Sometimes I think all of our cable TV could be cut off with one exception - Nickelodeon - and no one would notice. I don't invest too much in new TV shows anyhow. With the exception of the ever-popular Simpsons, every new program I enjoy is dealt a quick death by the morons that program the networks. Remember Freaks and Geeks, Firefly, or Andy Richter Controls the Universe? Those were my favorite shows of each new TV season. It's as if I'm the black widow of TV fans...

Well, my latest favorite picks are Drew Carey's Green Screen Show and Cheap Seats.

Drew Carey's Green Screen Show picks up where Who's Line Is It Anyway left off. So many of the comedians followed Drew from ABC to The WB that one could easily assume that it's the same show. The big difference is that in this show the comedians are superimposed over cartoon and computer generated backgrounds. My family is split over the special effects: I think they're kind of distracting, whilst my son thinks they make the whole show. Still, I love improv and it's a nice half-hour diversion.

I discovered Cheap Seats one evening when I couldn't sleep. I was channel surfing and came across this show where there were comedians Randy and Jason Sklar riffing over an old episode of the Wide World of Sports. It reminded me a lot of Mystery Science Theater 3000, and for the first time in my life I actually watched the sports channel!

My apologies to the producers of Drew Carey's Green Screen Show and Cheap Seats. My glowing reviews have now cursed you. Expect to get a pink slip from your respective broadcasting companies by December at the very latest.

Not-God

It’s neat to see how God can bring good out of the worst circumstances. Take Bill, for instance. He was a New York Stockbroker with a bright future ahead of him, at least until the stock market crash of 1929, when he lost everything. A few years later he found himself an out-of-control drunk living with his in-laws because his addiction made him incapable of holding a job.

Nothing seemed to help Bill get off the bottle—not his willpower, not his wife’s concern, not hospital stays, and not even a barbiturate-and-belladonna treatment at a sanitarium. One day Bill had an epiphany: the best way to help himself overcome his addiction was to help someone else who was struggling with the same problem. It worked!

He eventually began to meet with other people struggling with addiction and even wrote down his principles of sobriety in a book. The organization Bill W. founded in 1935, Alcoholics Anonymous, has helped millions of people all over the world reach sobriety. The simple philosophy behind A.A. has been adapted with great success to people struggling with other addictions, helping even millions more.

The first of the twelve steps states, “We admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable.” It’s such an obvious idea, but such a hard step to take. What is it about people that we blench so against admitting—even to ourselves, let alone other people—that we may not have everything in our lives under control?

To some who were confident of their own righteousness and looked down on everybody else, Jesus told this parable: "Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. The Pharisee stood up and prayed about himself: 'God, I thank you that I am not like other men—robbers, evildoers, adulterers—or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get.' (Luke 18: 9 – 12)

If you were a Jew in Jesus’ day, you would have looked up to the Pharisee. After all, he was one of the devoted few who kept the flame of religion and Israeli nationalism alive during the Roman occupation. Jewish law required people to go without food and water for religious purposes one day a year; the Pharisee did it twice a week. Jewish law required people to donate ten percent of the produce of his fields; the Pharisee gave ten percent of everything he had.

The Pharisee wasn’t the only person praying in the temple that day. There was a tax–collector there, too. And the two of them being there at the same time would have been striking to an observer. The Pharisee was one of those religious folk that you almost can’t imagine having a life outside of church—they become part of the building. The tax-collector, on the other hand, was the type of visitor that makes you keep your eye on the offering plate. He collected taxes for the occupying enemy forces, and if that didn’t make him the unpopular-guy-of-the-year, I don’t know what would! But the tax collector had a purpose in being there, and it wasn’t something nefarious.

"But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, 'God, have mercy on me, a sinner.' (Luke 18: 13)

Leave it to a traitor and thieve to make a scene… The Pharisee could make a prayer sound like the sweetest music, and you could have listened to him all day and a good part of the night, too. But this breast-beating tax collector caused a scene with his anguish, even if he was standing as far towards the back of the room as he could manage.

If you were listening to Jesus telling this story for the first time in A.D. 30 or whatever, I guarantee that you would have never seen the twist-ending coming. You would have expected Jesus to pronounce judgment on the traitor for his life of crime or tell him that it wasn’t any use praying until he got his act together like the Pharisee, but never in a million years would you have guessed what he said about the tax-collector:

"I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted." (Luke 18: 14)

To use Alcoholics Anonymous terminology, the Pharisee was living in a state of denial. To assure himself of his standing with God, he compared himself to others. On the other hand, the tax–collector was the guy who had hit rock bottom and had nowhere else to look but up. He compared himself to a Holy God and cried out for mercy.

And that’s the only sane thing for any of us to do. The Psalmist wrote there is no one righteous, no, not even one and I’ve never read a truer word. I do, however, have to remind myself that the not even one bit includes me.

Sometimes the church has gotten off-track in regard to the message it sends to people. For instance, I can turn on Christian broadcasting and hear all about the abortionists, the pornographers, atheists, and the homos who are messing the country up. What I rarely, if ever, hear about how people will know we are Christians by our love or even a hint that perhaps we Christians, by our inactivity with the culture-at-large have our share of blame for the world’s woes. It’s almost as if we’ve set up radio stations, TV channels, bookstores and rock bands to continually send out the message I’m so glad I’m not like the tax collector!

It’s not surprising that this attitude doesn’t help people find God. It doesn’t even help Christians, either, because it works against the community of believers. So many times we assume that everyone else sitting in the congregation has their act together, so we never really feel comfortable or safe opening up to anyone. Could you imagine how different the church would be if we all stopped pretending and just came clean that we are all recovering sinners? Bill W. wrote, "Because of our kinship in suffering our channels of contact have always been charged with the language of the heart." He was writing in the context of alcoholic group support, but I think that it should just as easily apply to a group of Christians.

Three, Schmee!

I love DVDs. They let me relive my childhood, or at least the parts spent sitting in front of the TV. What a minute. That pretty much was my whole childhood. Anyhow, in the last three years I've amassed quite the collection of low-budget horror and sci-fi films. It's always fun to watch someone's reaction when they browse through my movie shelf and pause at titles like The Thing With 2 Heads or The Giant Gila Monster. This has led a few of my friends to conclude that my entire collection consists of old American-International Pictures and Hammer Horror flicks.

That's untrue. I have a quite a few episodes of Doctor Who, too.

Actually, there are more than a few Hollywood Blockbusters lining the shelves -- The Lord of the Rings, The Matrix, Signs, and Spider-Man, just to name a few. I've lately been enjoying both my Star Wars and Indiana Jones trilogies.

In fact, it was my viewing of the adventures of Luke Skywalker and Indy that prompted me to look up the all-time box office champs on the Internet Movie Database. I remember back in high school when almost all the movies in the top ten had the names Speilberg or Lucas attached and I wanted to see if the situation had changed. Boy, has it ever.

The number one box office film of all time is Titanic, proving that women can go to movies en masse. I had avoided this whole phenomenon back in the early 90s, because I didn't see a point in watching a movie when the ending was already apparent. The ship sinks! The ship sinks! I would warn my female coworkers to no avail. Then they would show up for work the next day sobbing with red swollen eyes. Go figure. But Titanic made over 600 million for movie theaters and easily double that amount for Kleenex manufacturers.

The number two film was easy enough to predict -- Star Wars. I don't think there's ever been quite as perfect of a fantasy film and I don't think there ever will be. No gripes here.

Then I continued down the list: Shrek 2 at number three, E.T at number four, The Phantom Menace at number five...

Wait a second. Did I just type Shrek-freaking-2 as the number three box office champ of all-time? How the heck did that happen? I do concede that it was a pleasant enough diversion for kids, but NUMBER THREE? That many people went to see a so-so sequel about an ogre and his bride who looks like a green-skinned Oprah Winfrey? I just can't fathom that this film was that significant to Americans. I can't honestly imagine people having the same kind of emotional reactions that they had with Titanic, Star Wars or E.T.:

"Everytime I think of Donkey I can't stop crying!"
or
"This film changed movies forever. I went to NYU film school to be a director because of Shrek 2."
or
"Shrek 2 made me hungry for Reese's Pieces!"

Number Three. I demand a recount. And I bet that's not the only time you're going to read those words in the next three weeks!

BADA-BING!

Totally Suspect

What in the world do people have against skateboarders? Everywhere I go I see NO SKATEBOARDING signs. Downtown merchants complain about them as if these kids are to blame for a 30-year decline in business. In my hometown, the city actually dismantled a skate park that was built by private contributions.

When the media is clogged with warnings about childhood obesity and sedentary lifestyles why do communities consistently single out a group of kids who are spending their afternoons and weekends outdoors doing physical activity? It doesn’t make sense.

My seven-year old got a skateboard for his birthday. I’m happy to encourage him. Skateboarding is the only popular sport I can think of that tells a kid right upfront that there’s going to be a lot of scrapes and bruises on the road to becoming proficient. So when N-- wipes out—and believe me, he does—he dusts himself off and gets back on the board. You need to keep at it. That’s a good lesson to learn as kid.

It’s a lesson I need to recall from time to time because life’s not easy. And what it demands of me frequently wearies me out and wears me down. I desire to be the rugged individualist who lives life against the grain, but often in reflection admit that I’ve been following the path of least resistance despite my best efforts. Just like a kid who wipes out on a skateboard, I have to make a decision to lie there or get back up when life throws me off-balance.

The twelve disciples had lived their share of discouragement and disappointment in their travels with Jesus. They don’t know it yet, but their lives are going to become a whole lot more complicated real soon. They’re on their way to Jerusalem, where Jesus will get caught up in a kangaroo court, receive the death penalty, and be executed.

Then Jesus told his disciples a parable to show them that they should always pray and not give up. He said: "In a certain town there was a judge who neither feared God nor cared about men. And there was a widow in that town who kept coming to him with the plea, 'Grant me justice against my adversary.' (Luke 18: 1 – 3)

A fair trial before an impartial judge should be a given; sadly, the morning paper tells us that isn’t always the case. Take the judge in Jesus’ story, for instance. The guy is in a position of power where his word is law. He disregards a couple of thousand years of Jewish law and doesn’t give much thought to public opinion polls, either. This is the judge in all those car chase and women in prison movies of the 1970s. You’re in MY county, now, boy!

The widow, on the other hand, doesn’t posses any power at all. She didn’t inherit her husband’s estate when he passed on—that went to the male heir. The only Social Security she had was the kindness of others. The fact that she’s in court at all is pretty crazy in itself—women didn’t have legal status in ancient Israel. Faced with overwhelming odds, the woman doesn’t give up. She keeps showing up in court to pester the judge!

"For some time he refused. But finally he said to himself, 'Even though I don't fear God or care about men, yet because this widow keeps bothering me, I will see that she gets justice, so that she won't eventually wear me out with her coming!' " (Luke 18: 4 – 5)

In the translation of this scripture from Hebrew to English we lose one of the genuinely funny passages of the whole Bible. The phrase “wear me out” had a double meaning. One is the obvious meaning that we understand today, but it also meant to “give someone a black eye.” So what the Judge is really saying at the end of the story is I‘m not afraid of God’s wrath or people’s protests, but I’ll tell you what I am afraid of—that lady’s right hook! Judgment for the plaintiff!

Talk about a punchline!

And the Lord said, "Listen to what the unjust judge says. And will not God bring about justice for his chosen ones, who cry out to him day and night? Will he keep putting them off? I tell you, he will see that they get justice, and quickly. However, when the Son of Man comes, will he find faith on the earth?" (Luke 18: 6 – 8)

I don’t have a lot of faith in our government or the political process. But come November 2nd, I’ll head into a voting booth to select those politicians that in my estimation will best work for the common good. If after Watergate, Iran-Contra, Read-My-Lips, Monica, and Haliburton I can still muster up enough faith to pull a lever and hope for a better world, how much more security can I have in a God who knows what I need before I even ask Him?

Oswald Chambers writes:

“The true test of a person’s spiritual life and character is not what he does in the extraordinary moments of life, but what he does during the ordinary times when there is nothing tremendous or exciting happening… It is painful work to get in step with God and to keep pace with Him—it means getting your second wind spiritually… God’s Spirit changes…our way of looking at things, and then things begin to be possible which before were impossible. Getting into God’s stride means nothing less than oneness with Him. It takes a long time to get there, but keep at it. Don’t give up because the pain is intense right now—get on with it, and before long you will find that you have a new vision and a new purpose.”

Dust yourself off and try again. It’s good advice for skateboarders. It’s even better advice for followers of Christ.

Quote of the Week: Experience vs. Creed

I'm working my way through Brennan Manning's book The Signature of Jesus. I'm still chewing on a quote I read last evening: "The gift of my own faith in Jesus Christ does not depend or rely upon any power outside of my graced experience. When beliefs replace such actual experience, when we lose the authority of knowing and rely on the authority of books, institutions, or leaders, when we let religion interpose between us and the primary experience of Jesus as the Christ, we lose the reality religion itself describes as ultimate."

Intriguing stuff.

Do my friends at Experiment House know me or what?

So it turns out that I (Lamont) am a.....


These are a few individuals that I have personality type in common:
John F. Kennedy, Benjamin Franklin, Leonardo DiCaprio, Kate Winslet, Elizabeth Taylor, Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, Steven Spielberg, Federico Fellini, Richard Feynman, Timothy Leary, Robin Williams, Jim Carey, Mike Myers, Cameron Diaz, Bette Midler, Chuck Berry, Elton John, Mick Jagger, Gianni Versace, Liza Minelli, Joan Collins, Sarah Ferguson, Larry King, Joan Rivers, Regis Philbin, Howard Stern, John Belushi, and "Auntie Mame" (Mame).
 and we are known to be:
The Busy, Fun-Loving Type - Spontaneous, Versatile, Acquisitive, and Scattered

Here are a few interesting things I've discovered about personalities. The group you fall into will most likely be consistant for "most of your life", you can be a primary personality type with a secondary personality tendency, and that quizzing yourself can and will place you in a state of complete shock in learning that Howard Stern and yourself share the same personality type! I rather think he would have fallen into the "creepy" category. Then again, this experiment isn't about Howard - it's about myself and the Experiment House crew.

I fell into this type with the difference of one question between another category. In fact, when I took the quiz for a second time, it came out to be a complete tie. I'll let you guess what my secondary personality type is, if you like. But it's nice to know that the secondary type isn't so self absorbed as the enthusiast's is.

So as a basic overview of getting along with my type of personality, here are a few tips:
Don't try to cause me pain or I might pop you one on a bad day.
Give me attention when I need it a space when I don't.
Always expect me to be on the go.
I appreciate the small things in life and find deep meaning in everyday things.
I like to share my excitement with those around me.
I am a multi-tasking and multi-talented.
I am a sincere friend.

Hopefully, due to my counter balancing second place personality I will remain free of some of the unhealthy characteristics associated with enthusiasts:

Self-centered, materialistic, and greedy, addictive, hardened, and insensitive.
Addictions and excess take their toll: debauched, depraved, dissipated escapists, offensive and abusive. Often give up on themselves and life: deep depression and despair, self-destructive overdoses, impulsive suicide. Generally corresponds to the Manic-Depressive and Histrionic personality disorders.

How ironic that enthusiasts that become unhealthy often give up on themselves and life. But never fear. at this point I think I fairly healthy and stable. In fact I be more likely to write a poem about the awesome colors of fall than the impending cold of the coming winter. Heck in winter I get to make snowmen anyway. Cold - HAH!

Let me know what you think friends - I may be an enthusiast first, but what do you think comes in second?

I.F.'s Disposition Condition

Well... It's Friday, and as promised I took my Enneagram Personality Test. The free test, which is described as a ten-minute exam, only took me about two minutes to complete. I hope that didn't mess up the results.

The Enneagram personality types aren't written in general terms as if they were going inside a fortune cookie. Even though it's natural to see a little bit of yourself in each of the categories, each type paints a pretty specific picture. The Enthusiast, for example, isn't my personality at all. (But I'm guessing that someone else at Experiment House will get that verdict...) I really wanted to be the Individualist. It just sounded cool. But I scored much higher in two different categories.

With no further delay, the personality type that got the gold by one slim point was:

I really like the idea of being perceptive and innovative, because it makes me sound like Sherlock Holmes or Doctor Who. But secretive and isolated? Why do all the other personality types get lovable personality quirks in a "wacky TV neighbor" sort of way, but I get secretive and isolated? It makes me sound like any day know I'm going to pick up where Ted Kaczynski left off. But I have to remind myself that the internet is never wrong, so I have to take the good with the bad!

It also says that my key motivations are: "[Wanting] to possess knowledge, to understand the environment, to have everything figured out as a way of defending the self from threats from the environment." I wouldn't have worded it quite that way, but I can agree with that.

The other cool thing about the Enneagram website is that it describes how specific character traits for a personality type develop in healthy, average, and unhealthy scenarios. I discovered that if I'm emotionally well adjusted I will become "visionary and profound." That's good -- somebody please remember to say that at my funeral! If I'm just a slacker and decide to go with the flow I will most likely still end up being described as "studious and acquiring technique." Come to think of it, that's probably where I am right now! ...Oh yeah, if I really fall apart emotionally, I may have a "psychotic break with reality."

Check your mailbox!

Blog History Will Be Made!

The Enneagram is an ancient personality test with its beginnings shrouded deep in the mists of time. I'm not sure why the ancients were that concerned about their personality types, but that's what the internet tells me and you know it's never wrong. It's pronounced any-uh-gram by the way.

Since we've received so many e-mails from people lately about Experiment House and those who call it home, we've decided to let our readers get to know us better by taking personality tests and posting the results on this very blog tomorrow. Even though the free test will require 10 minutes of our time, we believe that YOU, the reader, are worth it. The test by the way is located at the website for the Enneagram Institute.

Will tomorrow be a day of joyous self-discovery at Experiment House? Or will we all be humiliated when our personality defects are revealed to the whole information superhighway? Find out when our results are posted tomorrow!

The Girl Behind the Screen Door

I saw something the other day that I just can't seem to shake. It was moment so intense that my mind captured the image leaving a permanent tattoo in my soul.

I was doing my job, dropping kids off after group and after I walked a child safely to their door and climbed into and sat down in a 15 passenger van full of chattering kids - my forward glance was captured by a pair of eyes.

The eyes looked not thru me, but into me. Sharing a lonely but trusting glance that can only come from a child. She was four of five years old. Her hair was braided into an ebony honeycomb on the very top of her head. Her brown skin shown warm in the afternoon sun, hi-lighting her huge charcoal eyes peering at me over the top of a rusty screen door.

At first her eyes looked empty, rather like a light-bright toy before it's plugged in. It's a state of soul that I often witness because I work with underprivileged kids every day. So sad, looking like the commercials you see about starving children other side of the world, except these are kids that live in my world. These kids aren't just starved for food, they're starving for love.

I smiled at her like I smile at all the kids. I don't give polite half-smiles. It's not something I really think about because I always smile, "Up to my eyes.". When my son was two or three, he would laugh at me because when we would play he'd tell me "Mommy, you smile up to your eyes." It was his way toddler way of telling me he loved it when I didn't hold my joy inside. To this day I have coworkers, parents and kids that give me nicknames like: Sunshine, The Pied Piper, or my personal favorite... Mary Poppins. Even to this day, if I want a grinning picture of my kids, I'll tell them - "That's it, smile up to your eyes!"

At first it looked as if those hollow eyes didn't know what to do. It reminded me of watching a new born colt trying to stand for the first time. Her eyes were just as unsure and wobbly as colts legs, but they were determined to sure up and make it. I couldn't see anymore of that child's face then the bridge of her nose, as she stood on tiptoe to peer back at me. Wobbly on tiptoe - but determined to make a connection with someone, with me.

In a moment, my smile was returned to me in the glimmering upturned smiling eyes of a child. The light-bright was plugged in and all the slots were full. The emotion of happiness expressed in that moment took my breath away and brought tears to my eyes. All I could do was smile back in return and pop my hand up to say "Hello" through the tinted glass of my windshield and the crisscross metal of her screen. The connection was made and she waved back to me with a small dimpled hand.

I kept eye contact with her until we pulled off of her dead end street and back out on the main road to take the rest of the group kids home. As I rode shotgun and my partner drove, I told her how powerful that 30 second eye contact exchange had been. She mentioned that she had noticed the girl when I waved at her, but I was the one that had "caught her eyes".
I thought about that as we drove past run-down houses and autumn trees. I caught her eyes, but I sent her mine.

I wonder how many times a day that little girl peeks out the screen hoping to make contact with someone else? Maybe she's o.k. and her family treats her well; but there was something in the way she looked at me that make me think I may have been the only friendly "Hello" all day.

I'm not sure why moments like this happen. There was something about her eyes and the emotion they conveyed that made me want to tell you about it. I felt her despair, hope, expectation, joy and awe all in the matter of a minute or less. Thank you little girl behind the screen door. Your eyes hold more wonder and potential than you will ever know. Whatever happens, keep smiling up to your eyes.

V.P. TV!

I was actually thinking about skipping the Vice-Presidential Debate last night. I mean, really, how important a factor is the running mate when selecting a presidential candidate? (Except that Who-am-I-why-am-I-here guy that ran with Ross Perot.) Every four years the news media have to remind the short attention-spaned American public what the Vice-President's job is for Pete's Sake! Everyone knows that the President lives in the White House, but does anyone know where the Vice-President and his family live? Does anyone care?

I had firmly decided on watching a remake of Frankenstein on the Hallmark Channel instead when my civic responsibility kicked in and I flipped over to CNN. I'm glad I did. Gwen Ifill of PBS was an excellent moderator who asked some excellent -- and I imagine somewhat uncomfortable -- questions of both candidates. The candidates were really punchy, and I must admit that Cheney comes off a heck of a lot better than his boss. I just don't buy his rhetoric.

As with spinoffs of a popular TV shows, I didn't have high hopes for the debate last night. But I turned out to be wrong. If the first Presidential debate was The Mary Tyler Moore Show, then the vice-Presidential debate was more of a Rhoda than a Phyllis.

Take It When You Can

You have to appreciate the everyday blessings in life.

• Lamont related to me how a teacher at school told her today, "You guys have done an excellent job with your kids. They're good kids." We really needed to hear that today. So often we feel sad about the things that are beyond our means to provide for them. It was nice to have someone notice their character rather than the labels on their clothes.
• Work was deserted today, so I ended up having lunch by myself. I hit the drive-thru at Wendy's and cruised around for an hour. As I was driving up a winding country road I was suddenly struck by just how achingly beautiful it all was: the changing leaves, the big fluffy clouds, the hills, the sunshine, everything.
• The finger-pointing squad is away on vacation, so I showed up for work in a nice warm sweater, comfy jeans and a pair of sneakers just because I could.

It's true. It is the little things that make life worth living...

Review: The Passion of the Christ

It's amazing the amount of controversy that still surrrounds Mel Gibson's The Passion of the Christ even in its DVD release. I thought I would convey some of my impressions of the work. My analysis of the film comes from a rather unique dual perspective -- I’ve made a career working in various communications media, and have also served in churches and nonprofit ministries as a volunteer and employee.

It doesn't quite sound right to say that I enjoyed the film -- quite the contrary, sometimes I had to avert my eyes from the onscreen action. So maybe it would be more accurate to say that I regard the film as an outstanding achievement. It's obvious from the first shot to the last that director Mel Gibson was captivated mind and soul by the story.

There are many opinions regarding the long-term effects of the film on American culture. Some say that it will lead to violence and discrimination against Jews, and if they prove to be right, it will be regrettable that this motion picture was ever conceived. Others of a more evangelical religious nature seem convinced that the film will spark a religious revival in America. I find it hard to share their optimism when the last dozen religious fads, all their promises of a great awakening unfulfilled, lay in a landfill somewhere buried under WWJD bracelets. I can’t help but think that if religious leaders in America stopped cheerleading a movie and actually showed evidence of being impacted by the words and deeds of the Person it was based on, both the church and the world would be a much better place.

"It is as it was" is an oft-repeated quote attributed to the Pope regarding the film. I disagree with that statement -- while the film is reverent with its subject matter, it is still a dramatic reinterpretation of the events of the Gospels, with additional scenes written in to flesh out the story. I didn’t discern an anti–Semitic slant in the narrative; indeed, the Romans are portrayed as “the heavies” of the piece, maybe even played in a little too exaggerated fashion to be taken seriously. I was more than a little surprised to see the character of Satan portrayed by a woman. What statement was Gibson trying to make by that unique approach to casting? Nobody I've talked to about the film seemed to notice or care. I wonder if people's reactions would have been different if the character of God would have appeared in the film played by a woman? It’s worth thinking about.

I first heard about this film last year on Harry Knowles' movie spy website, Ain't it Cool News. I have to admit that when I first heard that there was a Jesus movie being shot in Aramaic, my first thought was "this movie is going to sink without a trace." Foreign language films do bad enough in the USA, but movies that utilize uncommon languages, like Incubus (Esperanto) and Deafula (sign language), quickly end up gathering dust in a film vault somewhere. I was certainly wrong on that count. The Aramaic actually helped me suspend my disbelief in a way that a group of classically trained actors with British accents never could. (There are subtitles for key points of dialogue.)

A common mistake that many Biblical epics make is that they try to cover too much ground in one film. Remember The Bible (1966), which tried to condense most of the book of Genesis into one movie? Gibson showed a lot of wisdom in selecting a relatively short period of time for his narrative: the betrayal, trial, and crucifixion of the Christ. (Random flashbacks flesh out the characters, and the resurrection is briefly glimpsed at the end.) I grew up hearing this story all my life, so it was easy for me to put the story in its wider context; I do wonder how much sense the film makes to people that haven't had as much exposure to the Bible?

I have read a few articles in which reviewers, obviously moved by the suffering, question who the characters are and what motivates them. A few suggest that perhaps the story should have included more of the events leading up to Holy Week. But that wasn't the story that Gibson wanted to tell. Many of Jesus' teachings can be found in other religions and moral codes. Even the concept of blood sacrifice as a way to appease the gods goes back into prehistory and many varied cultures. But the important difference in the Gospel is its focus on Jesus as the perfect sacrifice of all time for an imperfect mankind. And that's a story worth telling.

Winter Blunderland

My calendar says that winter won't officially begin until December 21 at 7:42 am EST, which is just plain crazy-talk to anyone who lives in Jamestown, New York. We all know that winter really began last night, no matter what the astronomers and calendar makers say. Here is my conclusive proof:

• My shepherd-collie decided it was too cold to sleep on the floor and jumped on my bed.
  
• I had to warm up the Toyota for five minutes before I went to church.
  
• It got down to 36 degrees last night and only warmed up into the fifties this afternoon. The forecast doesn't look any better for the next few days.
  
• I had to turn the space heater on when I took a shower this morning.

People have to be insane to live here!

P.S. What kind of obsessive compulsive feels the need to time the beginning of winter down to the minute? Isn't the date enough? Are we supposed to stand around raking leaves up until 7:41 and then rush to pull our parkas out of the closet when the digits change to 7:42?

Superpowers

I was fascinated by a TV program called The Tomorrow People when I was a kid. Every afternoon at 4:30, I’d tune in to Nickelodeon—yes, they had Nickelodeon twenty-five years ago—and watch this really low budget science fiction show. What the program lacked in production values it more than made up for in the imagination department. Get this premise: some painfully average school kids wake up one day with superpowers. They can appear and disappear. They can read minds. They can lift objects just by thinking about it. So they do what any other kids in their situation would do—defend planet earth against alien invaders and robots!

It came on the air the same week I started junior high. It was a big transition for me because not only was I leaving elementary school, I was also leaving behind all of my friends because I had enrolled in a private school. It was a time in my life when I felt particularly vulnerable and maybe that’s why The Tomorrow People fascinated me so. Even though adults and classmates treated them with indifference, The Tomorrow People were still special. After all, they had superpowers.

Who hasn’t daydreamed at one time or another about having superpowers? After all, it would be really handy to be faster than a speeding bullet on a morning when I wake up late for work. Carrying in the groceries all by myself would be a snap if I were stronger than a locomotive. And leaping tall buildings in a single bound could be exploited for cleaning my gutters.

This kind of daydreaming isn’t confined to kids who spend too much time browsing the comic rack. Isn’t attending a Tony Robbins seminar or the buying into the latest diet fad just a grown-up version of wishing for “powers and abilities far beyond those of mortal men”? We all crave a shortcut, a secret, that extra push to help us accomplish things that we feel are beyond our capabilities.

We can’t really blame the disciples a bit for wanting an extra boost in the faith department. Who wouldn’t after spending months traveling with Jesus? I can imagine the disciples lying awake at night pondering forgiving enemies seventy times seven or what it could possibly mean to take up a cross. How could they ever hope to live out such a high calling?

The apostles said to the Lord, "Increase our faith!" (Luke 17:5)

It was a simple enough request to ask of a man who had made lame men walk and blind people see. What better solution to the question of their inadequacy than an instant increase of faith? But Jesus doesn’t respond the way they expect at all. Instead of wiggling his nose like the lady on Bewitched and zapping them with a quick fix, he says something to them that may at first have sounded to their sensitive ears as a stinging rebuke:

He replied, "If you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mulberry tree, 'Be uprooted and planted in the sea,' and it will obey you. (Luke 17:6)

What an odd thing to say. A mustard seed is so small it could be easily confused for a speck of dust; mulberry trees grow to be huge and have deep roots. And what possible benefit could be gained by telling a tree to relocate itself in the ocean? But Jesus isn’t talking about parlor tricks. He’s giving them an important lesson about the nature of faith.

What the disciples were asking for wasn’t faith at all. What they were really wanted a boost of power that would make them self-sufficient and capable. But faith is rooted an individual’s dependence on Christ. There’s no need to have his faith super-sized, because the person who is intimate with God already possess all he needs to accomplish great things.

This is good news for us modern-day disciples, too. We don’t have to wait until we become as “spiritual giants”—whatever that means—before we allow ourselves to be used for God’s purposes. At times we will scarcely believe that we have the courage, brains or heart to face the road in front of us, but just like in The Wizard of Oz, we’ll discover that we possessed everything we needed to finish the journey. We need to hold onto that kind of faith, because we’re needed to perform seemingly impossible tasks everyday.

A crisis hotline worker has to have faith to believe that the battered woman on the other end of the line will someday live a violence free life. A quarreling husband and wife have to have faith that the storm will eventually pass and they will once again embrace. A single mom has to have faith that her meager paycheck will stretch far enough to buy groceries and shoes for her young child. We all have our mulberry trees that make us feel inadequate and small, and that’s OK, because I’ve discovered that when we get to the end of ourselves, God begins. Viewed in that light, mustard seed faith isn’t a stinging rebuke—it’s an encouragement!

"Suppose one of you had a servant plowing or looking after the sheep. Would he say to the servant when he comes in from the field, 'Come along now and sit down to eat'? Would he not rather say, 'Prepare my supper, get yourself ready and wait on me while I eat and drink; after that you may eat and drink'? Would he thank the servant because he did what he was told to do? So you also, when you have done everything you were told to do, should say, 'We are unworthy servants; we have only done our duty.' " (Luke 17: 7 – 9)

Christ made it clear to the disciples that faith in him would be enough to accomplish his work. Now he seems to be saying, get on with it! So often we buy into the idea that people with the greatest faith are these “superchristians” who spend all their time floating on a cloud. We’re wrong. The greatest faith is demonstrated by the confused and insecure who have just enough of a mustard seed to reach out in service to others.

Dorothy Day is one of my heroes. She founded the Catholic Worker Movement during the depression and spent the rest of her life working on behalf of the poor, the discriminated and the addicted. She was a very outspoken person and hated it when people referred to her as a saint. One time she snapped at someone and said:

"Don't say that. Don't make it too easy for yourself. Don't escape this way. I know why you are saying, 'she is a saint.' You say it to convince yourself that you are different from me, that I am different from you. I am not a saint. I am like you. You could easily do what I do. You don't need any more than you have; get kicking, please.”

Get kicking, please. Amen.

Sick Day

Today's my day off and wouldn't ya know it, I came down with a sore throat and an earache. I got a prescription from my physician and spent the whole day on the futon. Since I was busy downing some red pills and some blue pills, I thought it was only appropriate to watch all three Matrix films in one go.

I imagined what it would be like if I was living in the Matrix and my hometown was really a nightmarish wasteland. Then I remembered that it already is.

Kerry One, Bush Zero

It's obvious that John Kerry was the winner of tonight's debate. I hope this evening's broadcast gave people a vision of what an asset an articulate communicator and thinker would be in the White House. W, on the other hand, appeared like he had suffered a stroke or something.

I came away from the debate believing Kerry could repair some of the damage done to America's relationships in the international community. It's a sad commentary on the current administration when cooperation, dialogue, and attempts at peaceful conflict resolution sound like revolutionary new concepts.

I was very taken aback when early on in the debate President Bush said that as a country we must "consistently stay on the offensive." Is that really the best future that he can envision for our world? Is that the kind of country we want to live in? I realize that we need to defend ourselves, but our president seems like he has an overwhelming desire to use force to advance somewhat vauge goals. Sometimes it wasn't clear if he thought he was running for President of the United States or President of Iraq...

I'm glad that they got the terrorism and Iraq questions out of the way in this first debate -- that allows them to discuss domestic issues next time, which I have found to be sorely lacking in campaign coverage so far.

Review: The Essential Spider-Man Volume 4

In its heyday of the sixties, Marvel Comics stood head-and-shoulders above its competitors in the publishing field. When other comic publishers were content with churning out formula plots and uninspired artwork that hadn't changed that much since the 1940s, Marvel had the cleverest plots by Stan Lee and dynamic art work by the likes of Jack Kirby and Steve Ditko. This "what-will-they-think-of-next" quality keeps me collecting every reprint of this stuff I can lay my hands on.

After reading the first three volumes in its series I had really high hopes for the Essential Spider-Man Volume 4, but it never really delivers the goods. This volume covers the time that Stan Lee, writer extrodinaire, was relinquishing his role as the sole creative force of the comics empire, and boy does it show! In twenty-two issues of this comic no significant new characters or plot developments occur. It's so much that it's bad -- it's just tired. The stories seem to have fallen into a rut with Jameson ranting about Spidey, Gwen being miffed with Peter, Aunt May being worried, and Peter feeling like a schmuck at the end of the day. Ironically, Spider-Man's adventures had become formula, just like the competitor's comics from which it had drawn readers away. My advice is to stick with the first three volumes.

Things Left Undone

Life is a delicate balancing act. Some days are easier to balance than others. I seem to pay for it mostly between the hours of 10 pm and 6 am. I've been having a lot of trouble sleeping lately. When I do sneak in a few hours of sleep, invariably I awaken with some task already on my mind. (That makes me wonder -- does my subconscious grind about deadlines and projects all night?)

In the Book of Common Prayer, there's a line that says we have left undone those things which we ought to have done and it made me think about all the stuff that I've left piling up in my life: applying to graduate school, keeping in touch with out-of-town friends, submitting feature articles for publication... I really felt like I needed to take some positive steps to snap myself out of this funk. Two things came to mind pretty quickly: a broken step and a leaky faucet. They both had been in need of attention for quite some time, but I had been putting them off because I'm not much of a handyman.

I started with the step. All I had to do was nail it down, right? So I nailed it down only to discover that it wobbled just as much as before. It turned out that the nail was too short. Whoopsie! So I went to the hardware store to buy some long screws to fix the step. I came back from the store, got out our electric drill only to discover that the screws were still too short. Darn. They looked so much longer in the store. After a second trip to the hardware store for the longest screws they sold, the step was secure! It wasn't pretty, the producers of Trading Spaces won't be calling me anytime soon, but at least I don't have to worry about someone breaking their neck on our property it anymore!

Pretty please with myself, I decided that it was time to take on my second project: the dripping faucet. Although I'm pretty hopeless around the house, even I know that a leaky faucet just needs the washer replaced. So I carefully removed the faucet to get the old one out. Everything was looking fine until -- WHOOSH -- a geyser of water shot out of the sink. This is the same exact plumbing problem we've all delighted to hundreds of times in countless Three Stooges shorts. The geyser was actually hitting the ceiling and then running down the walls to soak every single thing in our kitchen. Having lived through the experience, let me tell you it's a lot funnier when it's Curly's fault.

After a few more pointless trips to the hardware store for the wrong stuff, I finally discovered that the faucet had been damaged beyond repair in the tsunami. While I just stared at the carnage that was once my kitchen sink, Lamont snuck off to the other room and discretely phoned my mom's boyfriend, who installed a brand new faucet that afternoon.

I had lived with a drippy faucet for months because I was too embarrassed to let anyone know that I didn't have the faintest clue how to fix it. The wobbly step should have been taken care of months before, but I was afraid I'd mess it up. But in just a few hours, both problems were solved. It made me think. Were either of these projects worth months of worrying? I don't think so. It felt good to have them finally taken care of.

It goes without saying that I slept pretty good last night.

Cool Website: Fact Check

The rhetoric of this election year is enough to make this communications specialist crawl into an isolation tank and hide until after Election Day. Lately I've become addicted to FactCheck.org, a nonpartisan website that provides an amazing public service. The folks behind it actually take the time to check out the facts (accusations?) behind today's politcal advertisements, and then share the information with the unwashed masses. It's amazing how often a little perspective on the context of a statement makes all the difference in the world. Go check out the website now and marvel how both political parties are equally full of crap!

Reversal of Fortune

Halloween is right around the corner, at least that’s what my kids tell me. They’re already working on a route that will allow them to knock on the maximum number of doors in a two-hour period. They’ve begun testing the tensile strength of grocery bags to see which brand will withstand the most weight in chocolate bars. They’ve already informed my wife and I that we need to pick them up early from their respective after school programs and have dinner waiting for them on the table, so they can hit the streets at 6 pm on the dot.

While it’s a bit perplexing to me that kids who can’t remember they had a book report due until I’m dropping them off at school can put so much preplanning into one evening over a month away, I won’t discourage them a bit. After all, Halloween is for kids. As a grown-up my involvement has been curtailed into bumming the odd Snickers bar off of my kids. But I can watch H-- and N-- and remember how exciting the last day in October was for me as a little boy all those years ago.

The two most impressive things about Halloween as I recall them are the candy distribution system and the fashion show. There was something so perfect about being able to knock on someone’s door and have them hand you a treat, no questions asked. If everything in life worked that easy, this world would be a much more pleasant place to live. And it was always fun to see my friends unmasked at the end of the night. Usually I could guess who was who early in the evening by observing the gait of their walk or by listening to the sound of their voice, muffled as it may have been by a cheap plastic mask. But there were always a few who managed to somehow stay anonymous. Sometimes I was surprised to find out that Frankenstein was the kid from down the street who was scared of his own shadow or, even more disturbing, that the prom queen who had been shadowing our group all night was my best friend’s older brother. They say you can’t judge by appearances, and I guess that’s doubly true on All Hallow’s Eve.

Jesus’ teaching ministry must have appeared to people as if some crazy Halloween parade was snaking its way through the backwaters of Israel. The in-crowd got tricks played on ‘em, and the physically and spiritually poor who weren’t even usually invited to the party walked away with all the treats. And wise people couldn’t shake the sneaking suspicion that everybody’s masks were coming off before this whole thing was over. At the end of the night Jesus gathers them around the campfire for a chilling tale from beyond the grave. Hear the story of The Rich Man and the beggar…

"There was a rich man who was dressed in purple and fine linen and lived in luxury every day. At his gate was laid a beggar named Lazarus, covered with sores and longing to eat what fell from the rich man's table. Even the dogs came and licked his sores. (Luke 16: 19 – 21)

Eighties music was just as much about fashion as it was about the songs. I recall Prince and the Revolution, all decked out in purple, putting on these over-the-top concerts. Well, purple was a sign of opulence long before his royal badness made it his trademark. In Roman times, purple came from an expensive dye that only the richest people could afford and wearing it was actually subject to government regulation as to who could wear it and how much they could wear. So when Jesus mentions that the rich man wore purple it means that he was wealthy—deliriously wealthy—and possessed influence and power. This man was filthy rich and didn’t lack for anything.

Contrast that with Lazarus, the other guy Jesus mentions. You couldn’t find another person more different if you tried. He’s homeless, he’s ill, and he’s starving. It even mentions that dogs came and licked his wounds—to our culture that would be like saying he had rats crawling all over him.

At this point in the story neither of the characters interact with each other. That’s because they’re separated by means of a gate. The rich man is on one side whooping it up at a dinner party. Lazarus is on the other side suffering from starvation and disease in the gutter.

The time came when the beggar died and the angels carried him to Abraham's side. The rich man also died and was buried. In hell, where he was in torment, he looked up and saw Abraham far away, with Lazarus by his side. (Luke 16: 22 – 23)

Jesus should have been a writer for The Twilight Zone. He came up with these twists in his stories that would have given Rod Serling a run for his money. This parable isn’t any exception. A complete reversal of fortune occurs in the afterlife. The rich man is now the one in the place of torment; the beggar discovers himself as the guest of honor at a party.

We can’t assume that it’s because the man is rich that he finds himself in hell, because Abraham was wealthy and he is pictured as being in paradise. Neither does the story imply that the rich man committed heinous and evil acts. His only sin was allowing a beggar to starve to death when he could have prevented it.

So he called to him, 'Father Abraham, have pity on me and send Lazarus to dip the tip of his finger in water and cool my tongue, because I am in agony in this fire.' (Luke 16: 24)

The rich man pulls rank; he probably doesn’t know any different. Even in hell he assumes that Lazarus is at his beck and call to serve him. By referring to Abraham as father, he’s not so subtlety pointing out that he’s a Jew—one of the chosen people. But pedigree doesn’t matter anymore.

"But Abraham replied, 'Son, remember that in your lifetime you received your good things, while Lazarus received bad things, but now he is comforted here and you are in agony. And besides all this, between us and you a great chasm has been fixed, so that those who want to go from here to you cannot, nor can anyone cross over from there to us.' (Luke 16: 25 – 26)

I was trying to work a conflict out with another person one time and it was obvious that it wasn’t going anywhere. I’ll never forget that this man ended the discussion by saying how is it that I can be wrong if God is blessing me so much? I hope that even the rosiest of circumstances would never prevent me from self-reflection. In the same way, the culture of Jesus’ day thought that if things were going good for a person that was proof that they had God’s favor. If someone was ill, poor, or experiencing a personal crisis they were assumed to have done something horrible to be so deserving of God’s judgment, and as such didn’t really warrant much consideration or compassion.

Have things really changed that much today? I don’t think so. We blame poor people for being poor. If she just got off her lazy butt and got a job-- ! Never mind that maybe she never finished high school. Never mind that childcare may cost more than the minimum-wage paycheck she’ll bring home at the end of the week. We’re so good at insulating ourselves from other people by pinning all their problems exclusively on personal responsibility. That’s a naïve view of life.

Most of us would never dream of attributing another person’s crisis to the judgment of God. But when the crisis is our own, it becomes a different story, doesn’t it? We assume that something dreadful in ourselves has caused God to abandon and make him deaf to our cries for help.

The other evening I took part in a spirituality program at Mount Saint Benedict Monastery. It was a reflection on the life of Thea Bowman, a remarkable African-American nun who radiated love for God and other people. Music was an important expression of Sister Thea and we were treated to a performance on videotape. It was an old Negro spiritual called Wade in De Water, and it contained a lot of imagery from Isaiah 43: When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. The song connected with me because I very much feel lost in the current of life these days.

Sister Thea described God as the one who troubles the waters to move us out of complacency and into another stage of life and development. That just blew me away. Over this last year I've seen the troubling waters in my life as something to be fought against and overcome. But to picture God himself as stirring up the water for a purpose was something that honestly had never crossed my mind. Saint Paul, who never seemed to have things going his way either, said it another way: we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him. It’s an important fact to hold on to, even if the present troubles allow us to do so by only be the slightest strand.

We’re told that a chasm kept the rich man and Lazarus apart. I don’t think it was something new to the afterlife. Truly, there always was a chasm separating the rich man and the beggar—a chasm of apathy. And that chasm still exists today whenever I am indifferent to the suffering of the people around me. The difference between myself and the rich man is that I still have the option to cross the abyss and treat a person with dignity and compassion.

"He answered, 'Then I beg you, father, send Lazarus to my father's house, for I have five brothers. Let him warn them, so that they will not also come to this place of torment. '

"Abraham replied, 'They have Moses and the Prophets; let them listen to them.'

" 'No, father Abraham,' he said, 'but if someone from the dead goes to them, they will repent.'

"He said to him, 'If they do not listen to Moses and the Prophets, they will not be convinced even if someone rises from the dead.' " (Luke 16: 27 – 31)

Abraham’s voice echoes down through the ages to me today. I don’t need a sign from God to convince me I need to help a person in crisis, because I’m already well aware of what the scriptures say about helping the needy. My problem is most likely is one of vision. Do I see the beggar outside of my gates? Or have I trained myself to not make eye contact?

Jesus once said that whatever we do for the least of people is also done for him. Mother Theresa demonstrated the love of Christ to thousands of people in the slums of Calcutta. Faced with an overwhelming task, she and her Sisters of Charity kept themselves centered by always reminding themselves, “We see Christ in the poor.”

After the resurrection, the risen Christ joined two of the disciples on a journey. They didn’t know it was him, though, even though they walked a number of miles together and talked together. It wasn’t until after they shared a meal together and offered this weary traveler a place to bed down for the night that they recognized him as Jesus.

Who is lying outside my gate? Let me pray for the compassion to cross that chasm and respond to my brother or sister, like me, created in the image of God.

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you.

When you're in ministry, you have to find ways to rest and recharge. Most of my pastor-friends golf. I don't own a set of clubs, so I hang out at Mount Saint Benedict Monastery instead. Last evening's spirituality program was a reflection on the life of Thea Bowman, a remarkable African-American nun who radiated love for God and other people. Music was an important expression of Sister Thea and we were treated to a performance on videotape.

It was an old Negro spiritual called (I think) Wade in De Water, and it contained a lot of imagery from Isaiah 43: "When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you." The song connected with me because I very much feel lost in the current of life these days.

Sister Thea described God as the one who troubles the waters to move us out of complacency and into another stage of development. That just blew me away. Over this last year I've seen the troubling as something to be overcome; I've pictured God as a neglectful lifeguard content to let me go under for the third time while he suns himself on his perch. But God himself stirring up the water for a purpose was something that had never crossed my mind. Where is God stirring up the water in my life? What am I learning in the midst of all this churning? What current does he seek to place me in? Will I fight the current or go with it? So much of the misery in my life seems to stem from wanting to wait out the troubling so I can stay exactly where I'm at.

We had a time of meditation where we sat in a circle and Sister Carolyn shared some words from A Retreat With Thea Bowman and Bede Abram: Leaning on the Lord. Then we sang a Children Go Where I Send Thee as a group, with a couple of us at a time going into the middle of the circle to "wade" our hands in a bowl of water. I went up with Cal, a Presbyterian minister and author that I had met at dinnertime.

The evening made me think of a quote by Bruce Lee, but I was too embarrassed to share it with anyone: "Be like water making its way through cracks. Do not be assertive, but adjust to the object, and you shall find a way round or through it. If nothing within you stays rigid, outward things will disclose themselves. Empty your mind, be formless. Shapeless, like water. If you put water into a cup, it becomes the cup. You put water into a bottle and it becomes the bottle. You put it in a teapot it becomes the teapot. Now, water can flow or it can crash. Be water my friend."

A Very Wookie Christmas Part Two

I spent the better part of the day waffling around about whether I wanted to spend the money on the new Star Wars Trilogy boxed set. Well, the fan-boy part of me won out over the cheapskate part and I found myself in the electronics department at the Lakewood Wal-Mart. Because it was the first day of release, Wal-Mart was selling it for only $34.80, which made me feel a lot better.

I'm not going to go into an analysis of the story or the historical significance of this movie. I'm just going to assume that you already agree with me that these are three of the most entertaining films of all time. Now that we got that out of the way, I can just give my opinion of the DVD set.

My verdict: FREAKIN' AWESOME. The remastering job is incredible -- the films look better than they ever have. The color saturation is just perfect, the image is sharp, and there aren't any dust or speckles on the film. I read that Lucasfilm went through the trilogy FRAME BY FRAME and cleaned it up for the DVD restoration. My son and I watched Star Wars tonight and it looked like it was only shot last year. It's money worth spent on some movies we'll watch over and over!

May the Force be with you!

Quote of the Week; Psalm 22

I wanted to have a Biblical quote this week, so what better place to look for inspiration than the Psalms? I once met a pastor who had spent over two decades in hospital ministry. He told me that his many years in crisis care to individuals taught him that the twenty-second Psalm is just as important as the twenty-third. I can see where he's coming from -- the 23rd Psalm expresses our deepest longings for a personal God; the 22nd Psalm is the expression of raw terror that comes from our fears of abandonment in a time of crisis. It's real, and asks why me why now why this to a God who seems to not be paying attention. But sometimes ya gotta just let it out, right? - I.F.

PSALM 22

My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Why are you so far from helping me, from the words of my groaning?
O my God, I cry by day, but you do not answer; and by night, but find no rest.

Yet you are holy, enthroned on the praises of Israel.
In you our ancestors trusted; they trusted, and you delivered them.
To you they cried, and were saved; in you they trusted, and were not put to shame.

But I am a worm, and not human; scorned by others, and despised by the people.
All who see me mock at me; they make mouths at me, they shake their heads;
"Commit your cause to the LORD; let him deliver— let him rescue the one in whom he delights!"

Yet it was you who took me from the womb; you kept me safe on my mother's breast.
On you I was cast from my birth, and since my mother bore me you have been my God.
Do not be far from me, for trouble is near and there is no one to help.

Many bulls encircle me, strong bulls of Bashan surround me;
they open wide their mouths at me, like a ravening and roaring lion.
I am poured out like water, and all my bones are out of joint; my heart is like wax; it is melted within my breast;
my mouth is dried up like a potsherd, and my tongue sticks to my jaws; you lay me in the dust of death.
For dogs are all around me; a company of evildoers encircles me. My hands and feet have shriveled;
I can count all my bones. They stare and gloat over me;
they divide my clothes among themselves, and for my clothing they cast lots.

But you, O LORD, do not be far away! O my help, come quickly to my aid!
Deliver my soul from the sword, my life from the power of the dog!
Save me from the mouth of the lion! From the horns of the wild oxen you have rescued me.

I will tell of your name to my brothers and sisters; in the midst of the congregation I will praise you:
You who fear the LORD, praise him! All you offspring of Jacob, glorify him; stand in awe of him, all you offspring of Israel!
For he did not despise or abhor the affliction of the afflicted; he did not hide his face from me, but heard when I cried to him.

From you comes my praise in the great congregation; my vows I will pay before those who fear him.
The poor shall eat and be satisfied; those who seek him shall praise the LORD. May your hearts live forever!
All the ends of the earth shall remember and turn to the LORD; and all the families of the nations shall worship before him.
For dominion belongs to the LORD, and he rules over the nations.

To him, indeed, shall all who sleep in the earth bow down; before him shall bow all who go down to the dust, and I shall live for him.
Posterity will serve him; future generations will be told about the Lord,
and proclaim his deliverance to a people yet unborn, saying that he has done it.

Books Worth Reading

I love books. If I had to choose between my DVDs, CDs or books, I would choose my books in a heartbeat. I'm a cheapskate who will stand in the men's department repeatedly questioning myself if I really need that pair of tube socks, but I have never regretted buying a book. And if I had to choose between books and sex, well, I'd choose sex. That would be a no-brainer. But I'd go book shopping afterwards.

Someday I hope to own a home large enough to have a room that will be exclusively devoted to a library and reading. And at the rate the Experiment House clan are collecting volumes, it will soon become a necessity! Here are a few that I've really enjoyed lately:

The Core Realities of Youth Ministry was the book Mike Yaconelli was working on when he tragically passed away last autumn. While part of me wishes that his last book would have been a more autobiographical volume along the lines of Dangerous Wonder or Messy Spirituality, I think that a book about youth ministry is fitting end to a career devoted to impacting the lives of teens. This book isn't so much a how-to as a how-to-be book. Mike had seen it all in his 42 years of working with young people, and in this book he pulls no punches. He doesn't outline yet another sure-fire program to grow your church, he shares his thoughts on some guiding principles that should be in evidence in healthy youth ministries. Mike's enthusiasm and passion for youth and youth leaders is in evidence on every page. Recommended reading.

Frederick Buechner is my all-time favorite author and I always keep one of his books in my reading rotation. On the Road with Archangel is a charming little novella based on the Book of Tobit in the Apochrypha. The best praise I can give this book is that it made me smile when I was going through a particularly unhappy time in my life. Read it and you'll smile, too. The final line is the most memorable ending to a book that I've ever read, but resist the temptation to look because you'll spoil everything!

I love a good scary story, so it's been great this last year to discover the books of Charles Williams. War in Heaven is part detective story, part supernatural thriller, and a lot of fun to read. After reading three books by this author I'm amazed that he is still relatively unknown. I'm surprised that some enterprising film maker doesn't buy the rights to his books dirt cheap and make some mind-blowing scary movies.

In a time when Christ's message of grace and redemption has all been snuffed out by tradition and rule-keeping, The Ragamuffin Gospel is a breath of fresh air. Author Brennan Manning candidly share his struggles with self-hatred and writes about the love of God with deep gratitude. Every time I finish a book by Brennan Manning I wish that I could put a copy in the hands of everyone I know. This one is no exception.

My biggest pet peeve about the church today is that it's more interested in indoctrination than experience. Stories of Emergence collects people's experiences of the "a-ha moments" when their perspective on faith, life and themselves changed and the ensuing fallout. The book offers no easy answers, and by no means will you reach the same conclusions as everyone profiled therein. It's a thought-provoking book which has made me consider how willing I am to live out my faith, even when it puts me out of step with the church culture at large and even my own notions of being a good person.

Shrewd, Dude!

The internet. Ten years ago, I had never heard of it. Now I can’t imagine what it would be like to live without it. Back in the dark ages it used to be cool to come home from work and find a letter or postcard in my mailbox. But today, I get lots of mail and the mailbox is my computer. I don’t have to drive to the mall to shop—I can log into amazon.com and select books until my debit card cries for mercy! I even find myself using the reference room at the library less and less because many of the same tools are available to me just by turning on my iBook. I can save money on my phone bill by instant messaging my friends who are away at college. To show you how far this computer thing has come, I don’t even have a thermometer outside my window anymore—my computer is in constant contact with the National Weather Service and constantly displays the up-to-date weather conditions in my menu bar.

As much as I love technology, I have to be honest with you. It’s amazing to me that any of it works. You gotta hand it to the people who write the computer code that make all these neat programs. I don’t have the aptitude for that kind of job, but I wish I did sometimes—a good code writer makes around $70,000 a year. That’s not to say that they have it easy. They’re highly skilled, and have to put in a lot of twelve, sixteen-hour days staring at a monitor.

I just read a story about a shrewd programmer in San Francisco who had his fill of the grind. So he outsourced his job to a guy in India. He e-mails India the instructions in the morning; India e-mails him the code back in the evening. So this programmer has cut his day down from sixteen hours to around two. He just needs to check the Indian’s code and communicate with his boss. He’s happy—he pulls $70,000 a year for working ten hours a week; the guy that actually does the work is happy because he gets a $10,000 cut, which is about eighteen times what the average per capita income is in India. Is this an example of a good work ethic? No. But you got to admit, we all get a kick out of stories where someone who pulls one over on the boss.

It wasn’t any different in Jesus’ day. Slaves outnumbered free men in the Roman Empire and a lot of jokes and yarns revolved around the theme of the ignorant boss getting his comeuppance by a peon. Even Jesus was known to tell a funny story now and then:

Jesus told his disciples: "There was a rich man whose manager was accused of wasting his possessions. So he called him in and asked him, 'What is this I hear about you? Give an account of your management, because you cannot be manager any longer.'

"The manager said to himself, 'What shall I do now? My master is taking away my job. I'm not strong enough to dig, and I'm ashamed to beg—I know what I'll do so that, when I lose my job here, people will welcome me into their houses.'

"So he called in each one of his master's debtors. He asked the first, 'How much do you owe my master?'

" 'Eight hundred gallons of olive oil,' he replied.

"The manager told him, 'Take your bill, sit down quickly, and make it four hundred.'

"Then he asked the second, 'And how much do you owe?'

" 'A thousand bushels of wheat,' he replied.

"He told him, 'Take your bill and make it eight hundred.'

"The master commended the dishonest manager because he had acted shrewdly. For the people of this world are more shrewd in dealing with their own kind than are the people of the light.” (Luke 16: 1 –8)

The parable of the dishonest manager. People say this is the most confusing parable of all. In fact, Saint Augustine dismissed it entirely saying, “I can’t believe this story came from the lips of our Lord.” Why do people have such a hard time with this parable? It may become apparent if I retell the story in a contemporary setting, with my apoligies.

There’s this guy that’s so rich he doesn’t even have to manage his own affairs. What he doesn’t know is that while he’s away in North Carolina golfing, the flunky he hired as his operations manager is just blowing his money. He’s buying new furniture for his office, he’s taking lots of business lunches and trips, and he’s driving around an expense new company car. That night when the rich guy is relaxing in the clubhouse, one of his friends from up north clues him in to what’s going on back at home. The rich guy whips out his cell phone and reads the manager the riot act. He tells him he’s gonna catch the first flight out on Monday and he’s going to personally audit the books.

This is bad news for the flunky. He can’t imagine having to actually work for a living in a factory. So he thinks, well, maybe I can make a good impression of some of the clients and maybe one of them will hire me. So he goes to the clients and rewrites their contracts—let’s ‘em off the hook at just 50 cents on the dollar. He’s a pretty popular guy all the sudden. And there are a lot less overdue accounts.

His boss comes back into town and checks the books. Everything looks good. And he’s like, oh, my mistake, I thought the company was making more than we are. Forget I said anything. And he gives the flunky a day off with pay. All that’s missing in this parable is a drummer hitting a rimshot.

But that retelling illustrates why people sometimes have a hard time with this parable? The main character is a slacker and a crook. And he comes out on top! The question that people have struggled with down through church history has been what in the world is the point of the story? Because it can almost seem as if Jesus is saying get ahead by being dishonest.

Of course that’s not consistent with what we know of Jesus’ character and his other teachings in the Bible. I think the real key is in verse eight: The master commended the dishonest manager because he had acted shrewdly. For the people of this world are more shrewd in dealing with their own kind than are the people of the light. The point he’s trying to get across is that worldly people are keener and more creative about accumulating wealth that than God’s people are about building His kingdom. The flunky was in a bad situation, but he turned it around and assured himself a good future. What are we doing as followers of Christ to influence our present situations towards the kind of future that God intends?

I kept stumbling over the word shrewd, so I looked it up in the dictionary to make sure I had a precise definition. Here’s what I found: Characterized by keen awareness, sharp intelligence, and often a sense of the practical. Those aren’t bad qualities to possess! Jesus continues on:

I tell you, use worldly wealth to gain friends for yourselves, so that when it is gone, you will be welcomed into eternal dwellings "Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much, and whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much. So if you have not been trustworthy in handling worldly wealth, who will trust you with true riches? And if you have not been trustworthy with someone else's property, who will give you property of your own? (Luke 16: 9 – 12)

When we sit down as a family to dinner, someone prays the blessing. Usually it’s my son. Sometimes we forget to pray all together, sometimes the prayer is heartfelt, sometimes an outside observer would assume that our prayer is just some kind of minor superstition that we observe out of habit. But there’s a real point to saying grace, even if it gets glossed over sometimes in our rush to diminish our hunger—everything that we have is a gift from God. There have been other religions that believed they had to placate the Gods to insure that they would have what they need, but the God as revealed in the Gospels provides for me even when I’m unaware of my needs. I’m very much the beneficiary of God’s property.

How am I managing it? What am I doing with my paycheck, and my skills, and my possessions, and my influence? Am I a flunkie, reckless and wasteful with my boss’ stuff? Or am I being trustworthy as evidenced by how I use everything I’ve been given to serve the people around me, and to bit-by-bit refashion the world into something a little more like God intended.

"No servant can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money." (Luke 16: 13)

When I was first married I had to work a bunch of part-time jobs to pay rent. Sometimes both bosses would want me to work on the same day at the same time. I’d have to choose between the two. Let me tell ya, it’s not easy trying to keep two different bosses happy. It’s so much better to just have one commitment.

It’s not just our work schedule that we have to prioritize. Everyday we have to decide if we’re going to be more devoted to the Creator or created things. Because it’s going to make a difference in the kind of people we are. In turn, it’s going to make a difference in the kind of world we live in.

Henri Nouwen was a Catholic Priest who left a teaching career at Harvard to work at a community where people with developmental disabilities live with assistants. Here are his musings on where we should invest our energy:

“Our lives as we live them seem like lives that anticipate questions that never will be asked. It seems as if we are getting ourselves ready for the question ‘How much did you earn during your lifetime?’ or ‘How many friends did you make?’ or ‘How much progress did you make in your career?’ or ‘How much influence did you have on people?’ or ‘How many conversions did you make?’

“Were any of these to be the question Christ will ask when he comes again in glory, many of us could approach the judgment day with great confidence. But nobody is going to hear any of these questions. The question we all are going to face is the question we are least prepared for. It is: ‘What have you done for the least of mine?’ As long as there are strangers; hungry, naked, and sick people; prisoners, refugees, and slaves; people who are handicapped physically, mentally, or emotionally; people without work, a home, or a piece of land, there will be that haunting question from the throne of judgment: ‘What have you done for the least of mine?’”

In just a few short years, the internet went from a novelty item to a necessity. You’d better believe that if I had the gift of foresight I would have invested my money in amazon.com or Yahoo. Christ told a weird story to a group of religious people to give them insight into where to invest their lives. And the story still speaks to us today.

The future isn’t in stuff. It’s in God’s Kingdom. And we’re being trustworthy when we use the things God blesses us with to provide for those less fortunate than ourselves.