Badsterpiece Theatre

Bad movies seem to be coming back into vogue: Entertainment Weekly recently ran an article on the almost 40 year-old Manos, The Hands of Fate; Showgirls is out on a special collectors edition DVD; The MST3K gang -- er -- The Film Crew is hosting movies on Encore; and even my little hamlet of Jamestown, New York is screening Barbarella (!) in a few weeks as part of a cult film festival. At this rate I fully expect that the Medved Brothers are going to receive a congressional medal of honor or something.

I just saw a movie that has to be one of the worst movies ever. It's not one of those so-bad-it's-good movies I endlessly prattle on about, but one of those so-bad-it's-bad flicks.

So bad as in "I'd rather watch any incomprehensible dubbed horror flick on a Wizard VHS."


So bad as in "I'd rather sit tight for an entire Full House marathon."


So bad as in "I'd rather study Ice Pirates starring Robert Urich frame-by-frame."

This ninety minute nightmare masquerading as a children's movie was called The Adventures of Shark Boy and Lava Girl in 3-D. It was made by Robert Rodriguez, who I really admire. He made the Spy Kids series of films which I think are fantastic. Shark Boy and Lava Girl is technically awesome but falls completely flat in every other area. The story is incomprehensible. The acting is atrocious. I would go into more detail, but frankly I'm trying to block this film from my psyche.

The Adventures of Shark Boy and Lava Girl in 3-D = RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!!!