I.F.'s Strange Dream

I am the swarthy captain of a merchant marine vessel, transporting Tic Tacs across the South Seas. My ship is run aground on a small island during a typhoon. I am the only survivor. The radio is broken and I have no means of calling for help. Hunger gnaws at me day and night, until a pallet of Tic Tacs washes up on shore. I do a quick calculation in the sand: Since each Tic Tac has a nutritional value of 1 1/2 calories, all I have to do is eat 1334 a day to give myself the daily 2000 calories I need to survive. I crack open the pallet and am delighted by the bright colors and sweet rattle. I slowly and methodically consume 1334 Tic Tacs that day -- first a fresh mint, then a wintergreen, followed by a spearmint, then a cinnamon and back again to the fresh mint to restart the cycle. I repeat this for a number of months, watching my supply continually dwindle, until I finally consume the last Tic Tac. It has a pleasant taste followed by the perfect hit of mint. I am sad that I will die alone on this uncharted island, but am thankful for the Tic Tacs and how they helped me get a bang out of life while they lasted. I die peacefully in my sleep.

Years later, a group of sailors arrive on the island and discover my skeleton. They are amazed at my minty fresh odor.