The Butter Effect

I have a confession to make. The second-to-last thing I feel like doing tonight is writing in my online journal, and the last thing I feel like doing is being funny. (The reasons will become apparent in a future journal.) But I made a promise to myself that I would try to write something every day, so here goes:

Ever notice how movie theater marquees abbreviate the titles of movies? "The Passion of the Christ" becomes "Passion", "Lord of the Rings: The Return of the Kings" becomes "LOTR". I don't mind one bit. In fact, I rather enjoy the mental challenge of deciphering whether a marquee proudly announcing "LEAGUE" seeks to infer that the theater is playing "The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen", "A League of Their Own", or "20,000 Leagues Under the Sea". But my imagination got the best of me when I saw the following sign outside the Arnott Mall proudly announcing:

THE BUTTER EFFECT

I imagined this scenario: Struggling with high blood pressure and lack of energy, Ashton Kutcher devises a technique of traveling back in time to inhabit his slim childhood body. He discovers that the weight watcher journals he keeps under his bed are a means by which he can travel into the past so he can switch all the cola in his parents' refrigerator to diet. As he attempts to lower his cholesterol, he finds that every trip into the past causes him to have weird blood sugar levels in the present, leading him to travel back again and again and causing irreparable damage to his arteries.