If you've followed my previous posts, I've already told you about why we went to visit the seminary, our adventures dodging SUVs to get there, our tour, and where to get a good cup of coffee in Suffern. This post is intended to describe my experience of Saturday evening and Sunday morning.
T-- had gone into NYC to visit Times Square. I decided to stick close to the hotel for the evening break. Although I had thus far enjoyed the weekend, there is only so much socializing I can do in a big group before I need to draw away by myself. I took a shower, read my Bible, and prayed for my family and friends a few hundred miles away.
I spent a lot of time in thought about full-time service and ordination. After all, I'm already doing most of the work and getting none of the perks, I liked the seminary, I love school in general, I have no financial reasons not to go, the seminary had good facilities with kids in mind, my wife desperately wants to go, I met and got on well with many of my potential classmates, and everyone says my wife and I would make great clergy. All pluses, right? Sign me up right now!
Try as I did to psych myself into going to school this fall, I just didn't feel any assurance that this was the right move for me to make. (Note: When I write "assurance" I'm writing about something more than a gut feeling. What I mean is something more mystical, in other words, an inner assurance of the Holy Spirit that I was making the right decision.)
T-- was still in NYC at 9 pm, so I went to the evening meeting by myself. McNair Wilson, a former Disney Imagineer and art director for The Wittenburg Door, was performing his one man show, From Up Here. Using just a ladder, a rumpled scrap of paper, and his own imagination, McNair dramatized a number of stories from the Bible in this witty show. Combining religion and humor can be a risky proposition, and I've seen it done badly before, eliciting more groans than laughs from the audience. McNair held our group of 300-plus people spellbound for his entire show. The hour zipped by way too quickly.
After the play, McNair spoke a few brief words to the audience. He said something to the effect that he had long ago decided that he had to be himself, because if he wasn't true to who God created him to be, he was keeping God's creation from being complete. In just one sentence, McNair crystallized what I had been feeling all weekend. The blunt truth is that being an ordained member of the clergy isn't me. And strangely enough, that realization was accompanied by a strange and wonderful assurance.
Sunday morning was the biggest Salvation Army meeting in which I had ever taken part. One of the things I love about the Sallyann is the clarity of preaching, because its more used to talking to regular people than theologians and scholars. Commissioner Lawrence Moretz held to that tradition as he delivered the message, "Ministry -- It's high, It's holy, It's hard."
So that's the way I found myself "Suffern the Weekend Away" on February 6 - 8, 2004. I gave the call to ministry an honest shot. I absolutely loved the seminary but at the same time didn't feel like that was the path laid out before me.
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