Be Careful What You Test Drive

I need to preface this piece by stating that I'm not a car-obsessed individual. I don't buy specialized mud-flaps, design overly elaborate flame airbrushing techniques or get my car pimped-out with neon tubing. Normally, I’m perfectly happy putting around in my little Dodge Neon. But something strange is happening to me. I think I'm going a little crazy—car crazy.

Remember when you were a month of two away from graduating from high school? All you could think about was:

“What will I do after I graduate?”
‘Who will be my friends after I graduate?”
“After I graduate I will...”

I think you get my point—your present was overcome by a preoccupation with the future. Slowly but surely obsession over a car has taken up residence in the little space that was left in my conscious mind and I fear the lease was written for a long time. I currently have a 1996 Neon Expresso, and though it’s still running and doesn’t look too bad, it's beginning to show signs of eight years of family wear. I have replaced the brakes (several times), rotors (twice) and plugged several oil leaks that show no sign of stopping over the past few months. So last week after the starter in my car burnt out, I started to consider my options.

While the starter was being repaired a leak was found in the air conditioning unit. This repair and part would cost more than the starter did, so I opted to hold-off for awhile. So to be honest, the images of “shiny new cars with air conditioning, built in cd/stereo units and glossy new paint jobs dancing in my sweaty head” isn’t all that strange.

After a little discussion, my spouse and I decided to start “looking” for a new car. Now the only thing a person would really need to look is an eye. But this is where I think the new car virus really started to grow. It was such an innocent gesture—surfing the Internet for car information. I began reading and comparing the major car companies websites. I read reviews and compared similar vehicles I thought would serve my purposes of looking sporty, getting great gas mileage and lasting forever. Oh, and don’t forget the most important feature—the payments can’t be more than my “I-work-for-a-non-profit-agency” budget can afford. After gathering enough information to write a car reviews for Popular Mechanics, I continued to “look” by driving up and down the major auto sales street in my town (even when it really wasn't convenient). As my obsession grew I found myself surfing the net by day and visiting car dealers in the evening, but even that wasn’t satisfying my appetite for a new car. I finally spoke to a car–dealer friend of mine and it just happens that he sells the new cars I like the best. But speaking wasn't enough—I took one of the prettiest red sport wagons you've ever seen for a test drive. I let myself go in the fun of the moment. I cranked the stereo, rolled down the windows, drove it around town and zoomed on the highway a little. It was a zippy little thing. When I returned to the lot, my friend suggested I take it home to my husband and kids and have them test it out as well. I took him up on the offer. This is when new car obsession crossed into the realm of reality and it was beginning to get serious.

My kids loved the car, my spouse didn't seem to want to stop driving it, and being a passenger wasn't a boring experience either. I have to tell you, either the dealer had actors planted by the side of the road or people liked the look of the vehicle (or us in it—maybe both). There were people smiling at us and the car. This new car-itis is crazy stuff. My entire psyche was being fed all things that fuel the already car-obsessed mind. We returned the car after about a half hour of testing and everyone in my family was giddy and smiling. I remember saying to everyone, "Don't get too excited. This is only a test drive," but I think I was really speaking to myself more than anyone else. After a rather long conversation with the salesman and our friend, we said our good-byes and promised to return with our Neon to consider a trade-in. As I watched my family linger around the potential family fun car, I got a little nervous.

Fantasy and play are fun things, but now I’m going to have to do some number crunching. Ugh. I have to take some time to figure out the trade-in, down payment, and monthly payment for this pretty little number. Then there's a loan application process. Double Ugh!

I know that I'm really getting ahead of myself and it will all work out somehow. But I would hate to disappoint those happy little faces I saw reflected in the red glossy paint of that cute little wagon if we weren't able to swing its cost. I even tried to go for a generic cure for my car obsession. I test-drove a (gasp!) cheaper car. It was new, but it was boring. It was new, but the doors felt like they were made with aluminum when I closed them. The car was new, but it coughed and sputtered a bit when I stopped at every red light. The car was new, but I slammed my head on the inside of the car when I got out of it. This car was new, but it reminded me of a lemon and it had nothing in common with the pretty red number across the street. Generic cures don’t cure the illness that has affected my mind and body over the last few weeks. This is going to have to be the real deal. So now that I’ve found THE ONE I have to see how to make it work in reality.

It worked great in the test drive. I may have to wait a little while for something that is next-to-new or previously-leased, because I would rather wait for THE ONE than end up bitter because my fevered state made me jump and buy a lemon.

So just like all those soon-to-be-graduates I find myself preoccupied about the future. Only instead of wondering what I will be doing after graduation, I keep imagining:

"What will I do after I get the car?”
“Will our family and friends like the car?”
“After the car…”

Instead of Senioritis, I have New Car-itis and I'm not sure when I’ll be cured. But before the reality of making payments and driving off the lot will take away this long lasting illness, I think I'll try to enjoy it some more. Hey, do you want to go on a test drive?