Blue Uniform TV

BLUE UNIFORM COMEDY TOUR

Salvation Army goes mainstream with new tour, movie and television program

What the average American knows about The Salvation Army could easily fill a small paragraph in an encyclopedia. Seeking to raise awareness about the 140 year-old church and charity in an increasingly competitive marketplace, Salvation Army leadership has enlisted the help of comedians Jeff Foxworthy, Bill Engvall and Larry the Cable Guy.

“It’s about time our denomination brought in some outside help for a little public relations,” said Colonel Humbug, a high-ranking officer from the organization’s national headquarters. “It’s embarrassing to have new acquaintances continually ask if I really go to church inside a thrift store.”

The idea for the unlikely partnership came about when Salvation Army top brass chanced upon an episode of Blue Collar TV on The WB. Col. Humbug explains: “We noticed that Foxworthy and friends took an otherwise ignored segment of the population—namely, rednecks—and made them downright popular. So we got to thinking, why not us? I mean, they must be doing something right. The size of their studio audience alone easily dwarfs our church’s national membership numbers!”

Many rural fans, still traumatized from the Garth Brooks/Chris Gaines fiasco, have expressed doubt that the comedy trio’s act can withstand the transition from country corn to Salvationist slapstick. But a recent try-out of the new Blue Uniform Comedy material at a Salvation Army community center left the audience clamoring for more. One man exiting the corps commented, “It’s not really that different once you get past the little changes, like Larry the Cable Guy. He’s now Larry the Kettle Guy and goes around yelling GIT-R-RUNG!”

Foxworthy, Engvall and Larry aren’t the only ones who are adjusting their act. The Salvation Army itself is making some adjustments in anticipation of welcoming the trio’s existing fanbase to its denomination. For instance, the organization has traded in their massive emergency disaster vehicles for pickup trucks with gun racks. And the iconic blue uniform now comes in a special sleeveless version with hunting boots.

The Blue Uniform Comedy Tour, which is being filmed for an upcoming theatrical release, begins its tour of Salvation Army corps next month. Blue Uniform TV will premiere this fall on The WB. In related news, Target has announced that it won’t sponsor the show.

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…YOU MAY BE A SALVATIONIST
If walking into a department store without a bell makes you feel naked…
If you can have coffee and doughnuts ready at a fire scene even before the fire trucks show up…
If you’ve ever misused Psalm 132:9—“be clothed in righteousness”—to defend uniform wearing...
If your calendar is divided into only two seasons: Christmas and Almost Christmas…
If you assume that making a person listen to a sermon is a prerequisite to eating a bowl of soup…
If your offering and United Way pledge end up in the same place…
If you regularly wrap and deliver more gifts at Christmastime than Santa …
If you believe baptism and communion are traditions you can easily get along without, but think the church will fold if it doesn’t keep the tradition of uniforms and brass bands…

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THE RED KETTLE DICTIONARY
HORNY - adjective. How our brass band sounds.

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HERE’S YOUR SIGN

A couple of months ago I went to a meeting of my local pastoral association. A guy took a look at my uniform and goes, “Hey, y’all the pastor of The Salvation Army?”

Nope.

I’m a Congregationalist who likes to cross dress as a meter maid.

Here's your sign.

THE END

Okay, everybody -- we confess: This a late April Fool's Day joke by I.F. & Mr. X!