Churches have tried a lot of innovative things in the last few years to pack a few more dudes in the pews. Super Bowl Parties, Promise Keepers rallies, and giving away John Maxwell books by the metric ton on Father’s Day were all steps in the right direction. But the church still has a long way for to go before it becomes a serious threat to staying home and mowing the lawn.
I recently gathered data in an exhaustive survey of nearly a dozen men and am now fully qualified to present:
TEN EASY STEPS TO A MAN-FRIENDLY CHURCH
- Make the fellas feel more at home by dismantling those uncomfortable pews and replacing them with individual La–Z–Boy recliners.
- Watch dad’s face light up at the nursery when you toss him a BlackBerry instead of that chintzy plastic childcare pager.
- “The quickest way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.” So along with the bread and wine, consider serving a side of ribs and a baked potato.
- Forever ban the part of the service where the pastor says, “Let’s all get up and HUG someone this morning!"
- All disagreements in church business can be just as easily settled at the poker table than at a board meeting.
- Revise the program of Women’s Ministries Sunday to include ample time for women jumping on trampolines.
- PowerPoint slides during worship feature a continuously-updating stock ticker at bottom of screen.
- Ditch the coffee fellowship and hold a weekly outdoor pig roast in its place.
- Women ushers. Hooters T-Shirts. I don’t think we need to elaborate.
And the number one step to creating a more man-friendly church… - Hold the guys’ attention during the sermon: Swap the tired Biblical analysis with the occasional sports metaphor for sports analysis with an occasional Bible metaphor.
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