I need to preface the rest of this article by saying that I have had practically zero experience with bras, short of taking them off of some people -- and even that doesn't amount to much experience. Damn those clasps! But I digress.
I realize that no woman wants to go back to the days of jungle vines and coconuts, but now that we've advanced out of that stage by a few thousand years, what else is there to perfect? How different can one bra be from another? It's not like they have thousands of moving parts or there's a lot of options in design. Hey fellas, let's try one with three cups this time! It's not going to happen. So how can one manufacturer lay claim to the "most advanced" crown?
I'd like to find out more about THE WORLD'S MOST ADVANCED BRA. For instance:
- Is there a proud mother somewhere right now talking up her son's accomplishment at bridge club? "Going to work for Victoria's Secret was the best move my Harry ever did after college. Do you know the World's Most Advanced Bra couldn't have happened without him? He's like the Albert Einstein of bras or something!"
- How exactly do scientists field test a bra? Do they rent out a MIT lab? Do they use caged animals in cruel experiments involving lace? Or do they recruit actual humans? Does anything ever go horribly wrong? Houston, we have a problem!
- Will bored junior high students someday have to write a midterm paper about it in history class?
- With The Salad Shooter at one and A Cure For Cancer at ten, where will historians place THE WORLD’S MOST ADVANCED BRA on the scale of great inventions?
- How do I get a job on the design team?
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