Getting to the CORE of things

After wandering around wondering where I fit in most recently, I, B, H and myself had an opportunity to fit perfectly somewhere. We attended a Youth ministry training in Buffalo, NY and were in the company of a hundred or so youthworkers from our region. Some of the folks were total strangers, some peers and previous youth members now in ministry jobs from our home town, and some from our various trips with The Sally Army. There was a closeness there today that you only usually feel on day three of a three day retreat - but this was only hours long. Maybe it was the "sameness" of our jobs, the overindulgence in junk food or the crazy act like a fool games. I frankly don't care what the formula was -- it was exactly what my overly busy, emotionally drained person needed.

There has been so much talk about "calling" lately -- mine, yours or otherwise -- that I was happy to be accepted for who I am and where I am being ok. How refreshing! It's like someone packaged this short seminar in a peppermint patty wrapper and I unpeeled it to experience something totally unexpected and new. I felt supported, accepted and loved. Experiences like this show me all the more, that "church" or even better "God" isn't limited to my small perspectives and limited vision. Jesus can break through the tough exterior I put up to protect myself.

A good friend of mine spoke about how Jesus pursues us passionately. Like a group of kids that throw a snowball at your car. Do I stop and get out of the car to see what they want or do I just keep on driving while grumbling about my car's possible injury?

The pain that we feel can be the snowball Jesus uses to get our attention. The side-splitting laughter of watching middle-aged youthworkers play outrageous mixer games can be the snowball that Jesus uses to wake us up. Even while feeling insecure about the "calling" of God on my life, I was hit with a snowball today.

We broke into small groups and we were asked to write on a note card: a burden, struggle or habitual sin that has been dogging us. The group was to elect and "pastor" to gather the burdens and exchange them for a small container of anointing oil from the platform. After the exchange, the "pastor" was to return to the small group and anoint the person to the left of them with oil while reciting "My the light of Christ renew your spirit." After a moment of polite banter, the group elected me to be the "pastor". That moment I felt like I had been hit by a snowball. But this one wasn't made out of snow. It was made of God's light. Tears were flowing as I walked up to the platform to release not only my burden, but the burdens of all my small group family. I laid the burdens down and collected the bottle of oil. The oil was light, hope and purpose all held in a small plastic travel shampoo container. Returning to the group I wondered If I would be able to speak for the emotion pouring from my eyes and voice, but as I turned, I knew I wanted with all my heart for Jesus to flood my neighbor's heart with renewing light. So I threw the snowball.

They passed the blessing to the next person, and so it continued until it was B's to anoint me with oil. Pastoring is caring for and lifting each other up. I started the chain, but each person in that room was a "pastor" to their neighbor. I offered a prayer of thanksgiving to God for this expression of grace and forgiveness and asked if others wanted to pray. Some did, some didn't but the wonderful thing was that each person was hit by a snowball. Fear, doubt, discouragement and despair melted away like remainders of ice from Niagara Falls in April. Some were big and some were small, but the thaw that starts today will continue to melt the burdens of my heart.

The core of my burden comes from the fear of not having a place with Jesus. I know that is impossible. Jesus accepts me, love's me and has a place for me...no matter where I am. My core isn't in what I don't have, but in what I do have. Jesus is the one that can get to the core of things and help me to exchange my burden for his light.

No matter where I am: Jesus is my core. No matter what work I do: Jesus is my core. No matter what the future holds: Jesus is my core.