Talk Derby To Me (Part Three)

One of the cool things about traveling around the country is sampling the local cuisine.

In Columbus, Ohio we stopped at an Italian restaurant. I can't recall the name, just that it was a chain somehow connected to TGI Fridays. It looked pretty classy inside, not at all decorated in the "let's nail a bunch of crazy old crap to the wall" motif that seems to be in vogue at every other sit-down restaurant these days. I had the strangest exchange with the waitress. When I ordered spaghetti and meatballs, she looked me in the eyes and said flatly, "I'm disappointed in you." I'm still pondering what she meant by that. After all, spaghetti and meatballs would seem to be a fairly common order in an Italian restaurant. Does she say the same thing to every customer that orders it? Maybe her disappointment in me sprang from something else: Did she know me from school or something and was lamenting the fact that I grew up to be a big fat oaf? Or was she a gifted psychic who predicted the crappy tip I was going to leave her? I guess I'll never know. Anyway, it was a good plate of spaghetti and meatballs, but not worth the $11.95 plus tip plus low self-esteem that it cost me.

People always say that Wisconsin is the cheese capital of the United States, but I discovered that people in Southern Ohio/Indiana/Kentucky could give the badger state a run for its money. These people just L-O-V-E cheese on their foods. Lots of it. If you order a food item, it will be roughly composed of a 50-50 mixture between the food and cheese. I ordered a Philly Cheese Steak at Thunder Over Louisville that was so covered in cheese that it actually destroyed the structural integrity of the sandwich, causing an avalanche of steak, onions, peppers and cheese on my t-shirt.

I saved the best for last. I finally got to eat at a White Castle! I've been salivating over their commercials for years, but lived in a part of the country without any franchises. But they're all over that region! So I convinced my traveling companions to let me complete my life's ambition on Sunday afternoon: Eat a White Castle hamburger! A mere description of this momentous occasion simply will not do it justice. So I composed a Japanese haiku instead:

white castle smells good
greasy paper thin meat slab
special is square bun

I'm starting to tear up, so I need to sign off for now. Spaghetti and meatballs, Philly Cheese Steak, and White Castle. Do I know how to dine out or what?