Malfunction at the Junction

Well, it happened again... Yet another entertainment personality has had her boobs flop out in public. This time it was supermodel Naomi Campbell in Brazil. A few weeks ago it was alleged-actress Tara Reid, who gave photographers a unexpected peek at her (new improved) left boob. Just two recent examples of the wardrobe malfunction, a problem that is reaching gigantic proportions. No pun intended.

It's hard to believe that less than a year ago no one had ever heard the words wardrobe malfunction, let alone witnessed one. That all changed when 140 million television viewers watching Janet Jackson's Superbowl half-time show discovered just how chilly it was that night at the Houston Astrodome.

The thing that amazes me is that these malfunctions are continually happening to people who are beautiful as their chosen profession, just as some people flip burgers or fix cars as their profession. In other words, it is their job to be beautiful, and I assume that knowing how to wear clothes would at least be one of the branches in their knowledge tree. The reason I mention this is that I don't pay too much attention to what I'm wearing, and in all my 37 years my wardrobe has functioned just as it was intended. Sure, I've had the occasional open fly, but if that's usually my fault. Anyway, if my sale-rack Wal-Mart togs maintain my modesty on a regular basis, what's going on with these designer clothes? I assume that famous people's clothes are expensive and therefore of a very high quality. Perhaps the Beautiful People Union could go on strike until they could be assured by fashion designers that their clothes would be produced to a certain structural integrity. There could be sort of an ISO-9000 certification for the bustline...

The Wardrobe Malfunction. Some people say that it is the most perplexing problem facing modern man. Other people say it's the greatest blessing since the push-up bra. One thing's for certain: Scientists need to come up with a solution now, before the epidemic spreads to the general public. Have you seen some of those lard asses hovering around the sales racks at Wal-Mart lately?