Cheap Seats Getting Cancelled? Not If I.F. Can Help It!

I admit it. I'm the black widow of TV viewers. It seems that whatever TV show interests me the most at the beginning of the fall season is usually history by January. Freaks and Geeks, Firefly -- gone, all gone. In a previous post back in September I gave my picks for my two favorite shows of the year: Drew Carey's Green Screen Show and Cheap Seats. Well, it's December and Drew is long gone and it looks like the Sklar Brothers might be the next casualty. I got this letter the other day from Jason Z. Weber, one of the producers of Cheap Seats:

"We just read your blog, now that Drew's show is gone we here at Cheap Seats are awaiting word on the canceling of our show.  Thanks for cursing us.  Actually ESPN Classic has been threatening to tinker with the format which would mean less commentary on old games and more studio stuff (possibly with an audience).  Like you, we enjoy the show in its current format.  Finding glowing posts about Cheap Seats on blogs like yours will help give us ammo to blow away the suits and keep the show the way it is."

I'm simply amazed that a show this funny hasn't the backing of its network, because Cheap Seats is one of the most original and funniest programs on television today. I came across the program by accident a few months ago and have hardly missed an episode since. Everyone at Experiment House watches, too. Lamont and I grew up in the generation where the Wide World of Sports was mandatory viewing, so it's hilarious to hear the Sklar's commentary over the video footage of those long ago Sunday afternoons. (I personally dream of the day they get ahold of the video of Evel Knievel's Snake River Canyon fiasco.)

It's somewhat remarkable that my favorite program of the year airs on ESPN Classic, because in twenty years of having cable television I have never watched any programming on any ESPN network before, even for five minutes. That's not an exaggeration. In fact, the first time I watched Cheap Seats I had to consult my cable guide to see what channel 69 was! And I suspect that there are a lot of other viewers like me.

If you're a fan of the show you'd better drop the suits at ESPN a line before it's too late. If you've never seen Cheap Seats, check out their website, tune into ESPN Classic and then let the network know what you think!

Here's hoping that Cheap Seats will have a long life on cable TV and that it may even be released on DVD someday!

Twas The Night Before Christmas

The other day my daughter and I sat down as she had to rewrite a new version of "Twas the night before Christmas".
After about 30 minutes of our collaborating - we came up with what follows. So much of my time I hope that my children understand the importance of giving to others... and I think that my daughter really gets it after working on this poem together. Merry Christmas to all and peace on Earth! -- LAMONT

The Night Before Christmas
by
Heather and Mom

Twas’ the night before Christmas, no movement inside.
The bells had stopped ringing, the kettles filled high.
The vans were parked and covered with snow,
empty of toys, from tip-top to low.
The workers had ceased from their scatter and scurry,
to spend time with their families and eat lots of turkey.
The pastors so weary, delirious and drained,
fell asleep on their sofas dreaming about all that was arranged.
Gathering wealth to give to the poor,
spending morning to night at the 24/7 Corps.
From hanging the greens and putting up trees,
preparing Christmas dinner and singing on Christmas Eve.
So many people came through the doors, receiving what they need – but giving much more.
Everyone is welcome, no matter his or her place,
to become part of a family held together by grace.
The work, for now, has been completed,
until the next time our help is needed.
Heart to God and hand to man,
if anyone can help make Christmas, the Salvation Army can.

One month in puzzles

It will be our fourth Sunday at the new Church tomorrow. This month has been an enigma to me. Yes, I actually used the word enigma. How about puzzle, or something of the like. I don't know if you like puzzles, but maybe you can relate to the feelings associated with cleaning off the cluttered kitchen table, bringing the 1000 piece puzzle out of the closet ( or the blue wal-mart bag you just carried into the house.), opening the cardboard box with a butter knife, prying the box open hoping not to mess up the picture lid, and dumping the pieces out - flipping them over -trying to find all the edge pieces.

Yup. This is the enigma of my new life: Excitement, fear, idealism, skepticism, confidence, being unsure, chasing ghosts of the past, imagining the possibility of the future. This is my enigmatic, puzzle life.

This month I have:

Said good-bye to the people that were the closest to me.
Said hello to some of the old and to many of the new people in my life.
Watched my family grieve over many losses,
but laugh together in many happy gains.
Been hurt by my expectations of a few.
Been encouraged by the love and faith others have in me.
Forgotten some the the short-cuts on my old pick-up routes.
Learned the new pick up route and when to drive past the schools ( and when not to.)
Felt totally out-of-place in my old home town.
Felt totally at-home in my old home town.
Prayed for all of my old friends and coworkers.
Prayed with some of the youth and members of the new church and learned how I can begin to pray for my coworkers.
Grieved over the loss of a ministry, the anniversary of my Grandpap and Annie (my old band-mate) deaths.
Rejoiced with others in the new ministry at a community Thanksgiving Dinner, laughed with my son on his 8th birthday and been blessed by the time I now have to spend with my husband, daughter and son.

It's been a busy month.

Open my eyes to the beauty around me, loosen my joy and allow it to come out in my voice so that it can make every jig-sawed corner fit in the way and time it is intended. This puzzle doesn't need to be completed today - I need to allow
God to help me look for the hope in all circumstances, and not allow the scars of the past to keep me from enjoying each piece of the puzzle.

Concentration Cramp

So Mr. X and I are going to have a piece published in a magazine with national circulation. It's weird to think in a couple of months that people will check their mailboxes or walk out of their neighborhood Borders or Barnes and Noble and read our article in The Door Magazine. If that isn't enough, we'll also get a check from the publisher.

Thousands of people reading our work.

An editor liking what we wrote so much that he's going to pay us cash money for it.

You gotta admit -- those are two pretty damn good incentives to write.

So how come I've sat at the keyboard all afternoon and haven't been able to come up with one simple blog post?

We got in THE DOOR!!!

Never let it be said that blogging is an idle waste of time. It's a great way to keep in the habit of writing and to hone your skills. Mr. X and I recently put our creativity to good use and came up with "Enneagram Personality Types For Churches", a satire piece that has been accepted for publication in The Door Magazine! We get paid and everything! The Door has been around since 1971 and bills itself as "the world's pretty much only religious satire magazine." I've been a fan since 1986, when it's no-holds-barred humor about the church blew my eighteen year-old mind!

I wonder if Gilbert and Sullivan started this way?

Welcome to Town

I set up the office for my after school program this week. It's really been a big help to actually be on site in the village -- I'm getting to know a lot of people and find out a lot of helpful things I need to know to make the program successful. The downside of moving in this week was that it didn't leave me enough time to complete a presentation I need to make this Monday morning. So I found myself working today -- Saturday -- to get it done. My daughter, H--, came along with me because she wanted to scope out the village and see my office. I got the presentation done in plenty of time and ended the day narrating the Christmas musical for the village choir. Well, if I had to work a Saturday, at least it was a productive and pleasant one!

And You Thought Scary Movies Only Came Out At Halloween...

Everyone's talking about Saw, which is suppossed to be really scary. But I think I just caught a few minutes of the most horrifying thing ever on the Family Channel of all places: a computer generated sequel to Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer!

MEMO TO HOLLYWOOD: HANDS OFF MY CHILDHOOD!

Quote of the Week: Happily Ever After

"Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending." -- Carl Bard

It's the Bomb

Unos, dos, tres, catorce!

And I ain't talking about Wooly Booly.

I got a nice surprise in my mailbox today -- the latest U2 album, How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb. I've been a big fan of this band since junior high school when my cool mom bought me Boy, October, and War for Christmas -- maybe the same year I got a Sony Walkman! In fact, Lamont and I went on our first date to a screening of Rattle and Hum sixteen years ago this month!

I've been eagerly looking forward to listening to the new album since first hearing the frenetic single, Vertigo. I'm a huge fan of their last album, All That You Can't Leave Behind, and it's doubtful that more than a week has gone by since 2000 that I haven't listened to it. How could U2 possibly equal that effort?

The simple fact is that they didn't equal it, they surpassed it. How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb may actually be the best thing the Irish band has done since 1983's War, no faint praise. The electronica of the last few albums has been traded in for big, punchy songs with classic Edge guitar riffs. Standout tracks among some stiff competition include:

• Vertigo, which everyone has heard by now


• Sometimes You Can't Make it On Your Own


• Love and Peace or Else, which finds U2 in garage-band mode


• All Because of You, which sounds like it could have been on Achtung Baby


• A Man and A Woman

Who would have ever thought a band I listened to in junior high would still be making relevant music a quarter of a century later? How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb will no doubt be one of my favorite albums for some time to come!

Two-Way Stretch

I'm always up for something different in regards to film, so I picked up Two-Way Stretch from the Prendergast Library the other night. It was a rare opportunity to see Peter Sellers before he became an international movie star in films like The Pink Panther and Doctor Strangelove.

Sellers plays Dodger Lane, a prison inmate who does a much better job of running Huntleigh Prison than the governor or the head guard. There are no end to the scams that go on right under the nose of the authorities, such as inmate-mentored rehabilition classes which do more to instruct in thievery than any job trade. Dodger's plans go awry with the retirement of the kindly (and someone dim) head guard and the appointment of Chief P.O. Sidney "Sour" Crout who gives new meaning to the description hard-ass. Wilfred Hyde-White plays Soapy Stevens, Dodger's old crime boss on the outside who convinces Dodger and his gang to perform one more heist before they're released from prison. After all, they'd have the perfect alibi...

Two-Way Stretch is a perfect example of old-style British comedy -- meaning that you can expect to see more gentle humor than slapstick on display. It's worth a look.

Happy Thanksgiving

"O Lord, everybody's home,
eating, drinking,
breathing in the Lord.
Now rejoice: the family's all together."

-- a traditional grace from Celtic Daily Prayer

Let's Get Physical

I thought I would capitalize on my newly-rediscovered love of life and get back into my exercise program. So I rode my exercise bike for a half-hour. Then I celebrated with a Coke and a Kit-Kat.

Random Rumblings

So Lamont and I got new jobs and a new church all in the same week. As much as everything my psych class taught me about the stresses of transition, I was really surprised this week at how smoothly everything went. I guess I had been under such a black cloud this last year that when it finally lifted it was almost a shock to remember what it felt like feel good. In fact, I went for my yearly physical on Thursday and my doctor actually had to check his notes to make sure that he hadn't prescribed me blood pressure medication when I saw him last August. There was actually that much of a change for the better! (Isn't it incredible that a poor workplace can have that much of an affect on one's health? Scary!)

I was aked to do "a witness" this morning in this morning's meeting. (A witness is a short personal talk about some aspect of being a Christian.) It wasn't what I would have preferred to do my first week at a new church -- I'd rather give it some time getting to know the existing congregation and all -- but as a former (!) pastor I know what a chore it can be to get people to participate sometimes. And anyway, as it turned out the people all seemed happy enough to see some new faces at the church. I mumbled a bit about how I made the transition from religion to that mysterious awareness of God -- the AHA moment -- and people seemed to see a connection between the story of their lives and mine. Maybe that was the best way for us to all get to know each other.

Life is good. We all need reminded of that sometimes, especially during the Christmas season when commercials incessantly remind us of what we lack! Oftentimes Christians with our "sky is falling" mentality and continual emphasis upon human weakness need this message the most of all.

I grew up in an era where the church thought it had it all figured out, as if life were an equation to be solved instead of an experience to be shared. That kind of thinking kept us good church goin' folk in line, but it didn't exactly lead to the richest lives.

It seems like the farther I walk along this road the less certain I am about everything. That would have scared the crap out of me as a kid, because all the "strong Christians" always seemed so certain about everything. But then again, many of them carried a certain sadness around and seemed to live from church service to church service, much like a junkie is always looking for the next fix. But I'm beginning to enjoy stumbling around in, if not the outright darkness, a thick fog at least, following the Christ as best I can. Not knowing where I'm going at least allows me the joy of discovery.

"And God saw that it was good."

This last week I saw a lot of good:

Laughing myself silly with my son is good.

Working a new challenging job is good.

Praying the Daily Office is good.

Watching MST3K with with K-- and D-- is good.

Listening to books on CD during the commute is good.

Eating dinner with the family is good.

Feeling the cool air after a rain shower is good.

Playing fetch with the dog is good.

Reading A Generous Orthodoxy is good.

Seeing old friends at church is good.

Four plates at Chinese buffet is very good. And a new personal record!

My new start

I wasn't sure what to expect in my new job's first day. Maybe paperwork. Maybe setting up my desk/office. But I never expected to be thrown into transporting volunteers, setting up donation sites, and having the companies van keys (and van) handed over to me within the first half hour. Talk about instant empowerment.

I met some people, drove around and checked in the donation sites a few times, had tomato soup and grilled cheese for lunch - free, and was hugged and kissed by a total stranger. Another person I met promised me a guarantee of laughter whenever I needed it, specially provided by his funny conversation and happy demeanor. Who says small towns aren't friendly!

On Wednesday, I may begin to set up my office and other typical new job activities. But it was great to be able to chat with my new boss as he showed me around the town and drive around a enjoy the sunshine and new people. I had time to think and absorb the last few days of emotional overload. It was fun.

Oh my goodness. Work was fun!

To top it all off, I chatted with an old friend who is also looking for some new work. In spite of her recent efforts, no new prospects have turned up. Until Saturday. She got a call. She has an interview. It's something she would really enjoy.

Go for it girl. Although life changes and makes us uncomfortable, the uncomfortableness may be a way of pushing us beyond our "I hate this but I know this" zone.

I hope that from now on, I remember how God can work through painful circumstances to bring about something totally unexpected,,, happiness and freedom.

How's that for a surprise begining. Peace.

Day One

Today was my first "real" day at my new job. Starting an afterschool program from scratch is such a big challenge. It seems like everything I have to do between now and January is an equally critical task. And to tell you the truth, I couldn't be more happier about it! The last year at the church was an exercise in futility. Despite the great results we were seeing in the young people, it was obvious that the senior pastor had already set his mind on shutting this work down. After spending the better part of the last year "waiting for the axe to fall" at the church, it's great to have a big task to sink my teeth into. This new job is just what the doctor ordered!

24 hours later

Our last Sunday service was one I will never forget. All of my closest friends, coworkers and family were all in one place to worship God and to say good bye to almost a decade of living, breathing and working in ministry together. I'm often uncomfortable when people give me compliments, and today was no different. When the congregation stood to salute and applaud us for our efforts over the years - I became a sobbing reflection of gratitude and affection. I love these people so. I no longer felt embarrassed by their statements - I was proud to know God had worked in their lives through our small human efforts.

There are some that will be happy that we won't be there next week to hold services. They look at what we were intended to be and complain about segregation and age division. But this perspective comes from those who never even darkened our door to see what it was all about. We are a kind of family that they will never experience as long as they continue to look at fellow christians with an us or them attitude. It's impossible to help others understand something like Gen-Next if they don't have a heart to look past things like age, gender, social status and many of the other notions that confuse the real picture. It was a place where we all could share our thoughts, hopes, dreams and desires to live godly lives. More than any other place I've been, the people there accepted everyone as they were. However, we wouldn't tolerate the tearing down of each other. Each person's life was and continues to be precious and loved by God. We honestly watched each other's backs. What a precious gift this has been. We even earned the label of being considered the "Emergent Church", by a divisional representative that attended the service. Too bad they started to understand what we were, only to close us down.

We all entered that place wanting to find a place to belong and to help out, and we emerge from that church basement a loving, God-chasing family.

No matter where we find ourselves - we will emerge into the world. We will challenge those that see people as either "church folk" or "dammed-to-hell-sinners". We will love everyone the same. We won't count how many times our coworkers cuss or complain about how much time they get for smoke breaks. We will be standing out in the cold air with them while listening to their struggles and trying to be the best friends we can. Loving others in Christ's name - that was our goal and I think we achieved it. We will continue reach out in love, even though there will be those that can't see why.

Emerge into the world with the love of Christ - begin to see how much could change if we did that every day. Love our families, coworkers, and yes even our enemies. They can't see it because they are sitting in a cold dark room with no light. There are those that a blinded by the brightness of acceptance and love. They need to be reconditioned to see things in the light of day. Night vision leads to isolation and seclusion. You can really miss things when you stumble around in the dark.

Come out into the light. You were one children of darkenss...but you have been called out .... you are now children of the light. Let your light shine.

The Thin Places

I reached a milestone this week. I actually cleaned my office. It took my quitting to finally motivate me to do it, but whatever works, right? It’s funny the found objects you come across during an overdue cleaning. Sometimes the simplest things can conjure up the most vivid of memories: an old bulletin, some photographs, a book, a birthday card. “Do you remember this?” was something Lamont and I said quite often to each other these last few days.

This Irish sometimes speak of “the thin places.” That’s how they describe those holy places where they feel like the veil separating heaven and earth is at it thinnest. I think that it’s appropriate that we’re down here in the basement this morning, because this room is significant in the history of church. In it we’ve prayed and played. We’ve celebrated birthdays and celebrated Christ. We’ve seen lives mended and the occasional piece of furniture broken. We’ve shared food and more importantly, we’ve shared our very lives in this thin space. If these walls could speak…

Eight years ago, L-- cornered me and asked me if I would help him with youth group. I thanked him for asking me but quickly added that I wasn’t really didn’t like young people that much and couldn’t imagine what I could do. Well, he persisted, and my wife and I found ourselves in this room for Reality: Live every Friday night. A year or two later he had to go on a conference one Friday and scheduled me for the devotional. I tried to convince him to cancel the meeting because I couldn’t possibly stand up in front of people and talk! But despite my best efforts to sabotage the schedule I found myself giving a ten-minute talk to ten high school students. The building didn’t cave in or anything.

I guess I’m not much of a prophet. And maybe that’s a good thing. A friend of mine once said that if God had handed him a roadmap to his life and ministry when he was a young man he probably wouldn’t have had the courage to get out of bed, much less fulfill his destiny! Jesus’ friends once caught a glimpse of the future and it ended up creating more questions than answers.

Some of his disciples were remarking about how the temple was adorned with beautiful stones and with gifts dedicated to God. But Jesus said, "As for what you see here, the time will come when not one stone will be left on another; every one of them will be thrown down." (Luke 21: 5 – 6)

Have you ever had one of those moments where the rug was pulled out from under you? Maybe it was a boss saying you’re fired, or a lover saying I’m moving out, or a doctor saying that the test came back positive. In just one sentence, all security is gone and a dozen questions about the future come bubbling up to the surface. That’s how the disciples would have felt when Jesus casually mentions that the temple is coming down like a house of cards. The temple, after all, was the center of Jewish religious life. Actually, it was more than that—it was the very symbol of their national identity.

I suppose that the shock hit them on two different levels. First, there was the spiritual matter—if God’s temple could be reduced to rubble, where would that leave God? Their other concern would be of a much more earthly nature: how will we be a nation without the temple? The disciples would have learned as children that the first temple—the one Solomon built—had been destroyed in a foreign invasion hundreds of years earlier. If that weren’t bad enough, at that same time their ancestors had been carted off into slavery. So Jesus’ casual remark would have been terribly disturbing to people already jittery from the Roman chokehold on their country.

"Teacher," they asked, "when will these things happen? And what will be the sign that they are about to take place?" (Luke 21: 7)

We ask that same question today. We ask it when we read a Left Behind novel, we ask it when we read our morning horoscope, we ask it when we watch commentators on television give their opinions on international events. The radio this morning told me that I need to be worried about terrorism, the economy, household chemicals, and eating too much red meat. It’s no wonder that we muddle through our lives of quiet desperation looking to something—anything—that offers some reasurence.

He replied: "Watch out that you are not deceived. For many will come in my name, claiming, 'I am he,' and, 'The time is near.' Do not follow them. When you hear of wars and revolutions, do not be frightened. These things must happen first, but the end will not come right away. Then he said to them: "Nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. There will be great earthquakes, famines and pestilences in various places, and fearful events and great signs from heaven.” (Luke 21: 8 – 11)

I find it interesting that no matter what culture or religion, the End Times always comes out looking like an Irwin Allen disaster movie. But wars, revolutions, and disasters have always been and are very much part of the story of mankind. Jesus tells his disciples not to be frightened about these, which I think is a lot easier said than done. What Jesus is much more concerned about is that his friends might be deceived by false teachers who would take advantage of their anxiety. It’s a very real threat. Throughout history, there are examples of people who were convinced that the world was coming to an imminent end who sold their possessions, quit their jobs, and basically became useless to anyone.

Books and movies about the End Times are big business right now. And I’m not sure if that’s a positive trend. Do we allow an end times theology to justify our disengagement with the very present troubles of this world—hunger, the environment, people who don’t know Christ—because, after all, there’s no point because we’re not going to be here much longer anyway? Christians argue about the timing of the Great Tribulation when there are people all around us snared in their own very present tribulations.

"But before all this, they will lay hands on you and persecute you. They will deliver you to synagogues and prisons, and you will be brought before kings and governors, and all on account of my name. This will result in your being witnesses to them. But make up your mind not to worry beforehand how you will defend yourselves. For I will give you words and wisdom that none of your adversaries will be able to resist or contradict. You will be betrayed even by parents, brothers, relatives and friends, and they will put some of you to death. All men will hate you because of me. But not a hair of your head will perish. By standing firm you will gain life. (Luke 21: 12 – 19)

At this point the disciples probably wished that they hadn’t brought up the subject of the temple in the first place. Jesus tells them that because of their association with him, they will be harassed and betrayed by just about everyone. And he tells them to do something that I think must have come as a surprise to his friends. Instead of telling them to take a hint and head for the hills, he instructs them to “stay the course” because it’s only by doing so that they’ll really experience a life worth living.

That day Jesus described this to his friends using words. Just a few days later Jesus demonstrated it with his life. His fans decided his fifteen minutes of fame was up and turned against him. He was the victim of a religious hierarchy out of control and an indifferent government. Stripped of all human dignity, abused and beaten, and finally nailed to two pieces of wood in a public execution, Jesus did something remarkable: he took the worst of what the dark magic of the human heart can conjure—all the rage, and bloodlust, and fear, and prejudice, and indifference—and rejected it. In fact, he rejected the very notion of death itself.

The dark forces of this world hated Jesus—they crucified him. And as his followers, we find ourselves enmeshed in the same kind of conflicts both great and small. But we have the wonderful promise that the Christ is with us, even in those moments that when we’re being hit the hardest or feel the most inadequate. And that is enough.

You don’t need to buy a paperback to find out about Christ’s coming. Just move out among the people you know with compassion and love and you’ll be surprised to see Christ there among them. I’ve been amazed to see Christ show up in the strangest places. He’s been there at the hospital in the maternity ward and the terminal ward. He’s walked around the woods with young people at Camp Longpoint. He’s pulled a chair up at the table at Applebee’s during after youth group snacks. He’s been there in our conversation and our volunteer activities. He’s here this morning in a “thin place” that looks like a dinghy church basement. And for the last five years he’s been at work in a unique, special group of people who called themselves Gen-Next.

Now it's my turn

Saturday night, almost 2 am and I can't sleep due to the mangled mess of thoughts and feelings running through my entire being. I ordered the sandwich tray for our farewell tomorrow - but I forgot to pick it up. That will have to wait for the morning. I did a last minute letter project with special scissors and paper punches, all because I really felt a need to "give" something more to the people from our almost immediately closing church. I wanted to use the hands I have for one more chance to express God's love for each one of them. Our love for them. This hurts so much.

All these people have been such an important part of our lives for almost ten years. I. F. and I have been married for twelve. This has been my second longest commitment of my life - and I have to let it go. Let it go.

Where does it go to anyway? I will stay in touch with everyone the best I can, but I worry that schedule differences, physical distance and the passage of time will just take it all away. Everyone and everything will just go.... away.

I am beginning to look forward. I'm excited about the new ministry position I start on Monday at my new church. Some of the people I already know, I think that I will be happily surprised by the sameness I'll find there.

But the anger over this loss, the process of grieving continues inside as I try to look forward. It's hard to see clearly when you're looking through tear filled eyes.

My Grandpap died almost exactly one year ago this month. The feelings I had about his passing are rather like how I'm feeling today. I know that it's time for me to move on, just like it was time for my Grandpap to move beyond his 93 years of age on this earth. The memories of this church keep catching me off guard. I see or smell something and it reminds me of a photo relay I did with youth group or a fundraising dinner with all its stress, laughter and fun.

Tomorrow morning after service is over, the members of our congregation will be putting on a tureen dinner for our farewell. This next 24 hours will build more memories of tears, laughter, food, prayer and thankfulness for having the opportunity of getting to know and love each other. I am a blessed person and I know that blessing isn't going to stop when I leave the building for the last time tomorrow. It's just hard knowing that I won't have to key to enter this place, let others in, and make them feel welcome in God's name.

Monday I will get a new set of keys and the new people that come with them. Help me God to love them as I did the others. Maybe just maybe - I can love the new ones more because of what all the others have taught me. Thank you my friends, for giving me the honor of teaching, learning, praying, playing, saying hello and saying good bye.

One year ago my Grandpap's last words to me were, "Keep working till Jesus comes." I thought it was a little strange of him to say, but maybe he had a glimpse of the year I had ahead of me. This year has been one that required me to trust God more than any other before. This year has been about new starts and odd endings. I think I will let go of the hurt, but hold on to the love. God has watched over me and my family and I know he go's with me, no matter what keys I have in my pocket. That is enough for me to go on.

Wrapping It Up

Lamont and I did our last youth group last night. We just messed around in the gym and played board games and stuff like that. We all went to Applebees afterwards to hang out. It was a lot of fun, but I couldn't help feeling sad because it was the last time we'd all be together as a group. Dropoffs were especially hard. Usually a kid will just run into a house with a quick see ya later, but last night everyone had to linger a little bit before going in. They will never be far from our thoughts or prayers.

I can't believe that tomorrow is my last day in the office. I think I still have a week's worth of work left! I have to hand in my charge cards, keys, and fill out assorted paper work. I know it will all get done somehow and just need to stop fretting about it and hit the sack. (I'm still not satisfied with my sermon -- which probably has more to do with my state of mind than the actual message -- but I think I'll just wait until Satuday to revise it.)

Orientation Elation

I had my orientation for my new job today, even though I'm not officially finished with my current job until this Sunday. (I switched around my day off.) Even though most of the day was the standard first day activities -- I.D. badges, orientation, insurance plans, and tax forms -- I found myself getting more and more excited. I have a new job! I met with my boss after the orientation and talked about launching the new program by January 3rd. It's a gargantuan task, but I'm ready to get this thing of the ground! It's going to be such a help to kids and their families in a rural community.

Everyone Says I Love You

In a status-driven society, people do all kinds of things to make an impression: live in a certain neighborhood, drive a particular car, choose one university over another… But did you know that some people are still interested in making the right impression even after they’ve died? I was browsing a website of a company that is a funeral home and cemetery for the rich and famous of California. A funeral there should only put you back thirty or forty thousand dollars. They pay attention to every detail and give you all kinds of options to make sure that you go out in style.

For instance, why settle for a regular coffin when you can get laid to rest in that Cadillac of Coffins, The Monticello—showcasing a dark, polished walnut exterior and a luxurious velvet interior—a bargain at only $14,000. For additional fees, they can provide a motorcycle escort, release doves, or even make a video of your life that plays in a TV built into your headstone! Some people really know how to make an exit!

Say what you want about Jesus, but he was a guy knew how to make an entrance. After some time spent traveling throughout Palestine and the surrounding countryside, Jesus and his disciples entered Jerusalem in grand style for the Passover, with crowds of people lining the streets shouting save us, save us! You’re sent by God! If that wasn’t enough to get the religious leaders beside themselves, Jesus actually went into the temple and started a riot at the concession stand and dealers tables.

Although this act was an affront to all the religious authorities, one group in particular would have been especially offended. They were called the Sadducees. Whereas the Pharisees were obsessed with people’s behavior, the Sadducees were all about observances at the temple and the sacrifice system that was so important to the Jewish religion. To them, a self-appointed rabbi arguing with a bunch of Pharisees out in the country was one thing, but marching around the temple like he owned the place was quite another! So they decided to humilate Jesus by way of a public debate.

Every religious group has its own distinctive. The Sadducees believed that only Holy Scripture was the Torah—for us today that would be the first five books in the Bible. So everything that they thought about religion had to be backed up by those books. For instance, since they didn’t read anything in the Torah about life-after-death, they didn’t believe in it. So that’s what they decided to debate Jesus about. I imagine that this would have served two purposes. First, by getting Jesus to “go on record” about the resurrection would have squelched any popularity this guy would have had with their sect. Secondly, they could point out how ridiculous the whole idea of life-after-death was and maybe win some people over to their way of thinking.

Some of the Sadducees, who say there is no resurrection, came to Jesus with a question. “Teacher,” they said, “Moses wrote for us that if a man's brother dies and leaves a wife but no children, the man must marry the widow and have children for his brother.” Luke 20: 27 - 28

Women had no power in ancient times. When a woman was widowed, the property didn’t go to her. It transferred to her eldest son. So if a man died without fathering a son, it was up to his brother to provide the family with one. That whole idea sounds crazy to 21st century ears, but the point was that the dead man’s name and inheritance would carry on.

In a strange way, it’s similar to millionaires who donate money to build libraries and theatres on the condition that it’s named after them. They may be gone, but their legacy lives on. Maybe it reflects mankind’s longing for immortality.

Most scholars say that by Jesus’ day it was pretty doubtful that anyone still observed this practice. So why would the Sadducees ask Jesus about this if what they really wanted to talk about was the resurrection? Simply because they’re trying to frame the issue before they ask the real question. The Sadducees continue on:

Now there were seven brothers. The first one married a woman and died childless. The second and then the third married her, and in the same way the seven died, leaving no children. Finally, the woman died too. Now then, at the resurrection whose wife will she be, since the seven were married to her?” Luke 20: 29 - 33

This would be like walking up to Billy Graham and saying, Doctor Graham—is it true that God can do anything? If so, could he make a rock so heavy that even he couldn’t lift it? There must have been some proud Sadducees there, thinking that this was a sure-fire conundrum that was sure to leave even Jesus speechless.

Jesus doesn’t get bogged down in this nonsense and cuts to the chase:

Jesus replied, “The people of this age marry and are given in marriage. But those who are considered worthy of taking part in that age and in the resurrection from the dead will neither marry nor be given in marriage, and they can no longer die; for they are like the angels. They are God's children, since they are children of the resurrection. But in the account of the bush, even Moses showed that the dead rise, for he calls the Lord ‘the God of Abraham, and the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob.’ He is not the God of the dead, but of the living, for to him all are alive.” Luke 20: 34 - 38

Since the Sadducees only believed the five books of Moses, Jesus answers them about life-after-death by quoting something from the second book. The NIV Bible translation doesn’t do a great job on this scripture, but the gist is that God IS the God of the long-gone from this earth Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, not WAS the God. He showed that the resurrection could be found in the Torah, it just required a little bit of digging to get to it.

What Jesus did is something that we need to do, too. Occasionally you will come across people in the church who pride themselves on being black and white thinkers, which I always find odd because life demands that we be creative in our thinking and complex in our understanding if we’re going to survive. It was only a hundred-and-fifty years ago in this country that many Christians believed that the Bible condoned slavery. “It mentions slavery. It talks about guidelines for owning slaves. That must mean it’s OK, right?” Now there was another group of Christians, called the Quakers, who dug a little bit deeper and asked themselves questions about the nature and character of God and mankind, and saw that slavery in the Bible and slavery as it was practiced in their day were two radically different things. We owe much of the abolishionist movement to the Quakers not settling for the easy answer.

Most passages in the Bible are pretty self-explanatory. The meaning of do not commit adultery is pretty obvious. But there are other passages where we can miss the point entirely if we just read them with 21st century eyes. That’s why a commentary is such a good investment for our Bible study. Sometimes we need to understand what something meant historically before we can unlock the meaning for us today. Dig deep.

The bit about marriage is probably one of the most troubling bits of scripture for some people. Like the Sadducees, it is hard for us to imagine a future that isn’t defined by what we understand about the present. Ask anyone on the street about the purpose of marriage and I guarantee that they’ll say something about love. But to the Hebrews, marriage was very much about passing on your lineage and managing your resources. That sounds a little bit harsh and very much unromantic, but go take Sociology 101 at any college and the professor will tell you much the same thing during the unit on marriage and family life. It’s easy to get distracted by the bit about marriage and miss out on what Christ is really trying to illustrate about the resurection life. Christ describes a future where our family name isn’t that important, because we’ll be the ones that live on. And no one’s security and provision will be based on family ties, be we will all be part of one big family that belongs to God. It’s an awesome promise that often gets overlooked in one of the more shocking passages of scripture. It’s doubtful that the Sadducees paid enough attention to even comprehend what he was saying.

And are we really that much different today? We can obsess about our behavior and measuring up just like the Pharisees. We can make sure that we’re following tradition, dotting every i and crossing every t, just like the Sadducees. We build religious monuments and create legacies unto ourselves just to prove that we can make the cut.

And in the midst of the religious frenzy and the spiritual one-upmanship stands the Christ with his arms open wide, ignored in our frantic efforts to measure up, saying: See how much you matter to me?

Not Your Typical Jim Carrey Movie...

...And thank goodness for that! We had a smaller group of friends over than usual last night: It was T--'s birthday and M-- hit another deer with her car. With only K--, A-- and D-- present we decided to forgo the traditional board games and watch a movie. Boy, I'm sure glad we did.

The film was The Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind starring Jim Carrey. Usually his name on a DVD case is enough to send me running away from the TV set, but this must have been an alternate universe Jim Carrey, as he actually put in a good performance and didn't bend over and talk out of his butt. Not even once!

The story is actually pretty simple, although its execution is anything but. Girl meets boy. Girl and boy have fight. Girl erases memory of boy. Boy erases memory of girl. Boy discovers what made girl so interesting in the first place. The narrative is shown in a nonlinear fashion, which confused a few people last night, but I thought it was a fun and innovative way to tell a unique story. The film opens up some questions about predestination and free will, and I was left wondering how many times the lovers would cross again; self-destruct again... It also begs to ask the question of the viewer: who would you erase from your memory if you could? Would it ultimately make a shred of difference?

I don't think I've enjoyed a film this much since Rushmore. If you're willing to try something a little different, The Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind is highly recommended!

How happy is the blameless vestal's lot!
The world forgetting, by the world forgot.
Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind!
Each pray'r accepted, and each wish resign'd

A Bright Future

If you would have told me last year at this time that I'd be leaving the church plant I helped begin, I would have laughed in your face. Attendance and income was up, plus the people were finally beginning to "jell" as a family. We loved our coworkers and bought into our church's mission 100 percent.

Then we got a new senior pastor.

If you've never worked in a church you can't possibly understand what a terrifying thing this can be to church staff. If you have worked in a church, that comment probably triggered a post-traumatic stress incident! It's never easy on staff or congregations, but we decided to make the best of it. God is in control and all those other clichés, right?

It became obvious within six months that we had some big problems brewing at the church. The man turned out to be the most frightening narcissist that I've ever met, or hope to meet. Every person is looked at as an opportunity or an obstacle to his success within the denomination. Employees started leaving meetings in tears. Everyone was treated with suspicion. A happy organization became a dreary place where people stopped dreaming about the future and began watching the clock.

In a bungle that only denominational bigwigs can pull off, our church building actually hosted three different churches: the traditional parent church, the one Lamont and I pastored (missional), and a Hispanic church. Suddenly there wasn't any space or funds available for two of the three ministrie (guess which two). Accomplishing the simplest thing became an uphill climb. Every positive step would be turned into a negative by the senior pastor.

We had some dialogue with some denominational representatives in hopes that some mutual understanding could be reached, but we should have realized that a nasty egomaniac isn't going to turn into a cooperative partner. Ever. When people from our denomination asked us if we would consider running another church for them, we knew the writing was on the wall. A few weeks later I was told that although all options would be considered, our district head was leaning towards shutting our ministry down and merging it to the traditional church. We were told that we would still have jobs somewhere, so just hold on until the end. Sweet.

I have put up with any number of things in my ministry: long hours, unhappy parishioners, lack of funds, punchy church boards, low attendance, dumb denominational initiatives, plus this narcissist. But I could not and would not be satisfied with putting on a happy face and punching the clock until the end.

The good news is as of November 15, I won't have to! And neither will Lamont! After a great deal of prayer and soul searching, we were both offered new jobs one hour apart last week! They're both jobs working with young people, both have faith-based components (Lamont's is in a church), and we'll actually be making a lot more money!

Our senior pastor had the strangest reaction I've ever seen. He was positively overjoyed at our resignation, launched into his plans to merge the churches, and then spent the next half hour warning me not to turn people against him, steal anything, or sabotage the computers on the way out. Then he prayed for me like this: So often God, people try to follow your will. But sometimes they follow their own will, thinking that it's your will. And that leads to the way of destruction... You can't make stuff like this up, kids! A sociopath boss is scary enough. But a sociopath boss who thinks that God is on his side is really freaky!

It's tough wrapping things up in our current location. We've spent 5 years on the church plant, plus the previous 5 in the traditional church. We will miss the our congregation dearly, and wish that these vulnerable people didn't have to get caught in the crosshairs of this mess. Explaining to a sobbing youth group why we were leaving was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. And it wasn't much easier to do the same with the adults in never-ending home visits on Thursday, Friday and Saturday. Our thoughts and prayers will be with them always...

Church went great on Sunday, despite the sadness. Our lives are going to be so different. We really feel like the best is yet to come!

Going Down!

I've been waiting for Election Day all year. But now that I'm finally on its eve, I find that I'm strangely disinterested in the whole process. You see, I was under the mistaken impression that when I pulled the "Kerry lever" that a trap door would open up under President Bush. You know what they say about Generation X and instant gratification...

New Osama tape surfaces...

...which pretty much means that John Kerry just lost the election. Like I needed another reason to hate Osama...

The Things You Do For Love

My next-door neighbor when I was a kid was a big ex-G.I. named Jack. He was big and strong and the whole neighborhood would shake on those occasions when he would yell at his dogs, which was most every day. Looking back, he was never anything less than kind towards us neighborhood kids—provided we weren’t foolhardy enough to date his daughter—but we always made extra sure to stay on his good side just the same.

There was one thing about Jack that kept all of us kids curious. We noticed that when he was out mowing the lawn without a shirt on or reaching out from under his truck to grab a wrench, Jack had the most remarkable thing tattooed to his arm: a woman wearing a long-sleeved gown. This didn’t make sense. My great uncle was a World War Two veteran and he had a dragon tattooed on his arm. My friends and I once saw a biker at Ron’s Variety Store who had a big skull and crossbones etched in his arm. So why would big, burly Jack be caught waltzing around with a school marm prominently displayed on his forearm?

I never did work up the courage to ask him about it. But I did the next best thing—I asked his wife, Helen, while he was at work. Turns out that she was a widow with a young son when her and Jack met. Jack was good to her; he was good to her son. The courtship was rightly assumed by everyone to be progressing to marriage until one day the woman saw Jack in a short–sleeved shirt: he had a tattoo of a naked lady on his arm! Jack explained that it was a souvenir he discovered after he came to from a weekend on shore leave!

It didn’t really matter to Helen what state of consciousness he was in when he had the offending tattoo applied. She had her own self-respect to consider, and she also had her young son to think about. Although it was painful, she told Jack that she could never, ever marry a man with something like that tattooed on his arm.

Since laser-removal didn’t exist back in the fifties, and it was unlikely that he could find a doctor willing to do a frivolous amputation, Jack did the only thing he could do to undo his mistake and re-win Helen’s love: He had an evening gown tattooed overtop of the woman! He showed up at the woman’s apartment with an engagement ring and a short-sleeved shirt and love triumphed! The ribbing he received from the guys at the steel mill didn’t compare to the joy he had over his newfound family.

It’s funny the things people will do for love. We spend so much of our time trying to give the appearance of having it all under control, but for the sake of love, we’re so willing to play the fool. Taking dancing lessons… Walking through the mall carrying a giant stuffed-animal gift… Wearing matching sweaters… The ridicule you may incur from the odd coworker that you run into—and believe me, you will run into a coworker—still seems a decent trade for the affection you’ll receive. Zacchaeus was one of the most foolish people in all of the gospels, and this is the story of the very wise thing he did:

Jesus entered Jericho and was passing through. A man was there by the name of Zacchaeus; he was a chief tax collector and was wealthy. He wanted to see who Jesus was, but being a short man he could not, because of the crowd. So he ran ahead and climbed a sycamore-fig tree to see him, since Jesus was coming that way. (Luke 19: 1 – 4)

Zacchaeus was what you would call a white-collar criminal. He was just as much of a thief as a purse-snatcher, but he got away with his thievery because he did it weekdays from 9 to 5. His racket was to collect taxes for the Roman Empire from his neighbors. The beauty of it was that Rome allowed him to set his own commission rate. So in a busy center of commerce like Jericho, Zacchaeus was able to shake a lot of extra drachmas out of people.

As you can probably imagine, everybody hated this guy. Even more than people hate Martha Stewart. But there wasn’t much they could do about him, because if things got out of hand—say a taxpayer revolt—Zacchaeus could pick up his cell-phone and have the Roman National Guard there in a heartbeat. Now, he had to be kind of careful about how often he called, because if Rome got the impression that he wasn’t capable of managing his territory they could always appoint somebody else as chief tax collector.

So above all else, it was important that Zacchaeus carried himself with dignity and authority. So what does he do when Jesus comes to town? He climbs up a tree! I guess we all have moments when the facade slips and we’re seen in a less than dignified light. He had probably heard enough rumors about Jesus that his curiosity to observe this amazing teacher beat out his pride.

When Jesus reached the spot, he looked up and said to him, "Zacchaeus, come down immediately. I must stay at your house today." So he came down at once and welcomed him gladly. All the people saw this and began to mutter, "He has gone to be the guest of a 'sinner.' " (Luke 19: 5 – 7)

Usually the scriptures say that the Pharisees were the ones doing the muttering. But in Zacchaeus’ case it says all the people began to mutter. Everybody really hated this guy! The victimized people didn’t understand that Zacchaeus, for all his credit cards, the Mini Cooper, and the pool in the back yard was in reality wretchedly, wretchedly poor. He was suffering from what Mother Theresa called “the most terrible poverty” of all—“loneliness and the feeling of being unloved.”

So can you imagine what it must have felt like to Zacchaeus when Jesus called him down out of the tree? The lump in the throat, the heart skipping a beat, the sting of holding back tears, the indescribable wow that radiates out from your heart to the rest of your body… I’m kind of surprised that Zacchaeus didn’t fall right out of the tree.

Jesus did something very brave that day: He allowed his own reputation to be damaged so that he could reach out in love to Zacchaeus. He didn’t allow his ministry to people to be confined by any man-made social or religious construct. And we would do well to follow in his example. I’m not that old, but I’ve seen plenty of evangelism efforts come and go in my time. I remember revival meetings, coffeehouses, bus ministry, Chick Tracts, Evangelism Explosion, cell groups, Christian concerts, music festivals, Promise Keepers and Billy Graham Films. I remember when we were “gonna win the world for Jesus” by 1980, 1990, and 2000. I guess the new figure getting kicked around is 2020. It’s not my intention to denigrate anyone’s effort. But I do wonder what would happen if we took a break from all the programs and simply do as Jesus did, which was to extend hospitality to all people? It would probably never sell!

But Zacchaeus stood up and said to the Lord, "Look, Lord! Here and now I give half of my possessions to the poor, and if I have cheated anybody out of anything, I will pay back four times the amount." Jesus said to him, "Today salvation has come to this house, because this man, too, is a son of Abraham. For the Son of Man came to seek and to save what was lost." Luke 19: 8 - 10

No one infuriates people so like the white-collar criminal: his crimes are hard to investigate and even harder to prosecute. It’s so easy for the perpetrator to rationalize his behavior, too, when he’s embezzling money rather than, say, snatching purses, because he doesn’t feel like a criminal. But Zacchaeus doesn’t pull a Kenneth Lay and say but I’m only the CEO. Instead, he melts under the grace and love that is lavished on him by the Christ. In response to the connection he makes with God, he also reconnects to his fellow Israelites and offers charity and a restitution well above the guidelines outlined in the law. So often we talk about salvation as if it’s a spiritual abstraction or formula. But the story of Zacchaeus demonstrates a salvation that’s not only a spiritual restoration, but a physical and emotional restoration in the community as well.

We aren’t that unlike Zacchaeus, are we? In our own unique and personal and even sometimes ridiculous ways we climb our own tree to catch a glimpse of the Christ. The things we do for love: We visit a church… We read the Bible… We volunteer... We begin to pray again… And we experience those wonderful moments when we are struck by the realization that we aren’t so much the seeker, as the sought after. Truly in the end, we understand that we aren’t even the one on a tree—that place reserved for Christ alone.

The things a person will do for love!

ILL-LEGAL

I've noticed that my local radio station has taken to pronouncing eighteen-year old girls "legal" during their birthday announcements, as in, Birthday wishes going out to Jane So-and-So of Jamestown who turns legal today... Is it just me overreacting or is that rude? It's not like I'm listening to Howard Stern -- this is a little radio station in the middle of the cow patch I call home. I realize that some magazines and websites have countdown clocks ticking away every second until Hilary Duff's or Lindsay Lohan's respective eighteenth birthdays, but when did this kind of crudeness become mainstream?

A+ Weekend

I think I just had the best weekend ever! Here's 16 reasons why:

1. Friday, 8:30 am: I woke up and ate a stromboli for breakfast just because I could.
   
2. Friday, noon: I met with some agencies who are very interested in some cooperative work with young people in Chautauqua County.
   
3. Friday, 2:30 pm: I hightailed it to Fredonia where Lamont got her tattoo modified. As I sat in the waiting room, listening to Lamont scream (just kidding), I noticed that someone had left reprints of vintage Mad Magazines lying around. Ah! Comedy, thy name is Melvin!
   
4. Friday, 4:30 pm. I check my e-mail and find out that a satire piece Mr. X and I wrote may be published in an upcoming issue of The Door Magazine.
   
5. Friday, 9 pm: Experiment House open its doors to thirteen people of varying ages from our church for pizza and board games.
   
6. Saturday, 8:30 am: My daughter surprises me with breakfast.
   
7. Saturday, 10 am: I skip the yardwork calling me and take a three-hour nap while Lamont is out shopping.
   
8. Saturday, 2:30 pm: My son and I work on vintage Aurora Monster Model Kits in honor of the upcoming Halloween holiday.
   
9. Saturday, 7 pm: One of my good friends calls me out of the blue to go to laser tag. Hilarity ensues.
   
10. Saturday, 10 pm: Cheap Seats on ESPN Classic.
    
11. Saturday, 10:30 pm: Another episode of Cheap Seats on ESPN Classic.
    
12. Saturday, 11 pm: The best night's sleep in ages begins.
    
13. Sunday, 9:30 am: The best Sunday morning meeting in ages. The musicians sounded great, no one slept through my sermon. We had the largest attendance in ages, and it included a number of people I've been praying for. There was a real sense of community there today.
    
14. Sunday, 11 am: A member of our college group phones me and tells me that there's a $5 bin of MGM Midnite Movies at Wal-Mart.
    
15. Sunday, 11:01 am: I pee my pants.
    
16. Sunday, noon: I buy At Earth's Core, The Dunwich Horror, Twice Told Tales, and X-The Man With the X-Ray Eyes at Wal-Mart.
    
17. Sunday, 2 pm: Dinner and hanging out at my mom's house in Warren. We watch 3 of the DVDs.
    
18. Sunday, 9 pm: I jump onto Blogger and write this posting.
    

Guilty Pleasures

I don't get too much opportunity to watch TV with two kids in the house. Sometimes I think all of our cable TV could be cut off with one exception - Nickelodeon - and no one would notice. I don't invest too much in new TV shows anyhow. With the exception of the ever-popular Simpsons, every new program I enjoy is dealt a quick death by the morons that program the networks. Remember Freaks and Geeks, Firefly, or Andy Richter Controls the Universe? Those were my favorite shows of each new TV season. It's as if I'm the black widow of TV fans...

Well, my latest favorite picks are Drew Carey's Green Screen Show and Cheap Seats.

Drew Carey's Green Screen Show picks up where Who's Line Is It Anyway left off. So many of the comedians followed Drew from ABC to The WB that one could easily assume that it's the same show. The big difference is that in this show the comedians are superimposed over cartoon and computer generated backgrounds. My family is split over the special effects: I think they're kind of distracting, whilst my son thinks they make the whole show. Still, I love improv and it's a nice half-hour diversion.

I discovered Cheap Seats one evening when I couldn't sleep. I was channel surfing and came across this show where there were comedians Randy and Jason Sklar riffing over an old episode of the Wide World of Sports. It reminded me a lot of Mystery Science Theater 3000, and for the first time in my life I actually watched the sports channel!

My apologies to the producers of Drew Carey's Green Screen Show and Cheap Seats. My glowing reviews have now cursed you. Expect to get a pink slip from your respective broadcasting companies by December at the very latest.

Not-God

It’s neat to see how God can bring good out of the worst circumstances. Take Bill, for instance. He was a New York Stockbroker with a bright future ahead of him, at least until the stock market crash of 1929, when he lost everything. A few years later he found himself an out-of-control drunk living with his in-laws because his addiction made him incapable of holding a job.

Nothing seemed to help Bill get off the bottle—not his willpower, not his wife’s concern, not hospital stays, and not even a barbiturate-and-belladonna treatment at a sanitarium. One day Bill had an epiphany: the best way to help himself overcome his addiction was to help someone else who was struggling with the same problem. It worked!

He eventually began to meet with other people struggling with addiction and even wrote down his principles of sobriety in a book. The organization Bill W. founded in 1935, Alcoholics Anonymous, has helped millions of people all over the world reach sobriety. The simple philosophy behind A.A. has been adapted with great success to people struggling with other addictions, helping even millions more.

The first of the twelve steps states, “We admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable.” It’s such an obvious idea, but such a hard step to take. What is it about people that we blench so against admitting—even to ourselves, let alone other people—that we may not have everything in our lives under control?

To some who were confident of their own righteousness and looked down on everybody else, Jesus told this parable: "Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. The Pharisee stood up and prayed about himself: 'God, I thank you that I am not like other men—robbers, evildoers, adulterers—or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get.' (Luke 18: 9 – 12)

If you were a Jew in Jesus’ day, you would have looked up to the Pharisee. After all, he was one of the devoted few who kept the flame of religion and Israeli nationalism alive during the Roman occupation. Jewish law required people to go without food and water for religious purposes one day a year; the Pharisee did it twice a week. Jewish law required people to donate ten percent of the produce of his fields; the Pharisee gave ten percent of everything he had.

The Pharisee wasn’t the only person praying in the temple that day. There was a tax–collector there, too. And the two of them being there at the same time would have been striking to an observer. The Pharisee was one of those religious folk that you almost can’t imagine having a life outside of church—they become part of the building. The tax-collector, on the other hand, was the type of visitor that makes you keep your eye on the offering plate. He collected taxes for the occupying enemy forces, and if that didn’t make him the unpopular-guy-of-the-year, I don’t know what would! But the tax collector had a purpose in being there, and it wasn’t something nefarious.

"But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, 'God, have mercy on me, a sinner.' (Luke 18: 13)

Leave it to a traitor and thieve to make a scene… The Pharisee could make a prayer sound like the sweetest music, and you could have listened to him all day and a good part of the night, too. But this breast-beating tax collector caused a scene with his anguish, even if he was standing as far towards the back of the room as he could manage.

If you were listening to Jesus telling this story for the first time in A.D. 30 or whatever, I guarantee that you would have never seen the twist-ending coming. You would have expected Jesus to pronounce judgment on the traitor for his life of crime or tell him that it wasn’t any use praying until he got his act together like the Pharisee, but never in a million years would you have guessed what he said about the tax-collector:

"I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted." (Luke 18: 14)

To use Alcoholics Anonymous terminology, the Pharisee was living in a state of denial. To assure himself of his standing with God, he compared himself to others. On the other hand, the tax–collector was the guy who had hit rock bottom and had nowhere else to look but up. He compared himself to a Holy God and cried out for mercy.

And that’s the only sane thing for any of us to do. The Psalmist wrote there is no one righteous, no, not even one and I’ve never read a truer word. I do, however, have to remind myself that the not even one bit includes me.

Sometimes the church has gotten off-track in regard to the message it sends to people. For instance, I can turn on Christian broadcasting and hear all about the abortionists, the pornographers, atheists, and the homos who are messing the country up. What I rarely, if ever, hear about how people will know we are Christians by our love or even a hint that perhaps we Christians, by our inactivity with the culture-at-large have our share of blame for the world’s woes. It’s almost as if we’ve set up radio stations, TV channels, bookstores and rock bands to continually send out the message I’m so glad I’m not like the tax collector!

It’s not surprising that this attitude doesn’t help people find God. It doesn’t even help Christians, either, because it works against the community of believers. So many times we assume that everyone else sitting in the congregation has their act together, so we never really feel comfortable or safe opening up to anyone. Could you imagine how different the church would be if we all stopped pretending and just came clean that we are all recovering sinners? Bill W. wrote, "Because of our kinship in suffering our channels of contact have always been charged with the language of the heart." He was writing in the context of alcoholic group support, but I think that it should just as easily apply to a group of Christians.

Three, Schmee!

I love DVDs. They let me relive my childhood, or at least the parts spent sitting in front of the TV. What a minute. That pretty much was my whole childhood. Anyhow, in the last three years I've amassed quite the collection of low-budget horror and sci-fi films. It's always fun to watch someone's reaction when they browse through my movie shelf and pause at titles like The Thing With 2 Heads or The Giant Gila Monster. This has led a few of my friends to conclude that my entire collection consists of old American-International Pictures and Hammer Horror flicks.

That's untrue. I have a quite a few episodes of Doctor Who, too.

Actually, there are more than a few Hollywood Blockbusters lining the shelves -- The Lord of the Rings, The Matrix, Signs, and Spider-Man, just to name a few. I've lately been enjoying both my Star Wars and Indiana Jones trilogies.

In fact, it was my viewing of the adventures of Luke Skywalker and Indy that prompted me to look up the all-time box office champs on the Internet Movie Database. I remember back in high school when almost all the movies in the top ten had the names Speilberg or Lucas attached and I wanted to see if the situation had changed. Boy, has it ever.

The number one box office film of all time is Titanic, proving that women can go to movies en masse. I had avoided this whole phenomenon back in the early 90s, because I didn't see a point in watching a movie when the ending was already apparent. The ship sinks! The ship sinks! I would warn my female coworkers to no avail. Then they would show up for work the next day sobbing with red swollen eyes. Go figure. But Titanic made over 600 million for movie theaters and easily double that amount for Kleenex manufacturers.

The number two film was easy enough to predict -- Star Wars. I don't think there's ever been quite as perfect of a fantasy film and I don't think there ever will be. No gripes here.

Then I continued down the list: Shrek 2 at number three, E.T at number four, The Phantom Menace at number five...

Wait a second. Did I just type Shrek-freaking-2 as the number three box office champ of all-time? How the heck did that happen? I do concede that it was a pleasant enough diversion for kids, but NUMBER THREE? That many people went to see a so-so sequel about an ogre and his bride who looks like a green-skinned Oprah Winfrey? I just can't fathom that this film was that significant to Americans. I can't honestly imagine people having the same kind of emotional reactions that they had with Titanic, Star Wars or E.T.:

"Everytime I think of Donkey I can't stop crying!"
or
"This film changed movies forever. I went to NYU film school to be a director because of Shrek 2."
or
"Shrek 2 made me hungry for Reese's Pieces!"

Number Three. I demand a recount. And I bet that's not the only time you're going to read those words in the next three weeks!

BADA-BING!

Totally Suspect

What in the world do people have against skateboarders? Everywhere I go I see NO SKATEBOARDING signs. Downtown merchants complain about them as if these kids are to blame for a 30-year decline in business. In my hometown, the city actually dismantled a skate park that was built by private contributions.

When the media is clogged with warnings about childhood obesity and sedentary lifestyles why do communities consistently single out a group of kids who are spending their afternoons and weekends outdoors doing physical activity? It doesn’t make sense.

My seven-year old got a skateboard for his birthday. I’m happy to encourage him. Skateboarding is the only popular sport I can think of that tells a kid right upfront that there’s going to be a lot of scrapes and bruises on the road to becoming proficient. So when N-- wipes out—and believe me, he does—he dusts himself off and gets back on the board. You need to keep at it. That’s a good lesson to learn as kid.

It’s a lesson I need to recall from time to time because life’s not easy. And what it demands of me frequently wearies me out and wears me down. I desire to be the rugged individualist who lives life against the grain, but often in reflection admit that I’ve been following the path of least resistance despite my best efforts. Just like a kid who wipes out on a skateboard, I have to make a decision to lie there or get back up when life throws me off-balance.

The twelve disciples had lived their share of discouragement and disappointment in their travels with Jesus. They don’t know it yet, but their lives are going to become a whole lot more complicated real soon. They’re on their way to Jerusalem, where Jesus will get caught up in a kangaroo court, receive the death penalty, and be executed.

Then Jesus told his disciples a parable to show them that they should always pray and not give up. He said: "In a certain town there was a judge who neither feared God nor cared about men. And there was a widow in that town who kept coming to him with the plea, 'Grant me justice against my adversary.' (Luke 18: 1 – 3)

A fair trial before an impartial judge should be a given; sadly, the morning paper tells us that isn’t always the case. Take the judge in Jesus’ story, for instance. The guy is in a position of power where his word is law. He disregards a couple of thousand years of Jewish law and doesn’t give much thought to public opinion polls, either. This is the judge in all those car chase and women in prison movies of the 1970s. You’re in MY county, now, boy!

The widow, on the other hand, doesn’t posses any power at all. She didn’t inherit her husband’s estate when he passed on—that went to the male heir. The only Social Security she had was the kindness of others. The fact that she’s in court at all is pretty crazy in itself—women didn’t have legal status in ancient Israel. Faced with overwhelming odds, the woman doesn’t give up. She keeps showing up in court to pester the judge!

"For some time he refused. But finally he said to himself, 'Even though I don't fear God or care about men, yet because this widow keeps bothering me, I will see that she gets justice, so that she won't eventually wear me out with her coming!' " (Luke 18: 4 – 5)

In the translation of this scripture from Hebrew to English we lose one of the genuinely funny passages of the whole Bible. The phrase “wear me out” had a double meaning. One is the obvious meaning that we understand today, but it also meant to “give someone a black eye.” So what the Judge is really saying at the end of the story is I‘m not afraid of God’s wrath or people’s protests, but I’ll tell you what I am afraid of—that lady’s right hook! Judgment for the plaintiff!

Talk about a punchline!

And the Lord said, "Listen to what the unjust judge says. And will not God bring about justice for his chosen ones, who cry out to him day and night? Will he keep putting them off? I tell you, he will see that they get justice, and quickly. However, when the Son of Man comes, will he find faith on the earth?" (Luke 18: 6 – 8)

I don’t have a lot of faith in our government or the political process. But come November 2nd, I’ll head into a voting booth to select those politicians that in my estimation will best work for the common good. If after Watergate, Iran-Contra, Read-My-Lips, Monica, and Haliburton I can still muster up enough faith to pull a lever and hope for a better world, how much more security can I have in a God who knows what I need before I even ask Him?

Oswald Chambers writes:

“The true test of a person’s spiritual life and character is not what he does in the extraordinary moments of life, but what he does during the ordinary times when there is nothing tremendous or exciting happening… It is painful work to get in step with God and to keep pace with Him—it means getting your second wind spiritually… God’s Spirit changes…our way of looking at things, and then things begin to be possible which before were impossible. Getting into God’s stride means nothing less than oneness with Him. It takes a long time to get there, but keep at it. Don’t give up because the pain is intense right now—get on with it, and before long you will find that you have a new vision and a new purpose.”

Dust yourself off and try again. It’s good advice for skateboarders. It’s even better advice for followers of Christ.

Quote of the Week: Experience vs. Creed

I'm working my way through Brennan Manning's book The Signature of Jesus. I'm still chewing on a quote I read last evening: "The gift of my own faith in Jesus Christ does not depend or rely upon any power outside of my graced experience. When beliefs replace such actual experience, when we lose the authority of knowing and rely on the authority of books, institutions, or leaders, when we let religion interpose between us and the primary experience of Jesus as the Christ, we lose the reality religion itself describes as ultimate."

Intriguing stuff.

Do my friends at Experiment House know me or what?

So it turns out that I (Lamont) am a.....


These are a few individuals that I have personality type in common:
John F. Kennedy, Benjamin Franklin, Leonardo DiCaprio, Kate Winslet, Elizabeth Taylor, Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, Steven Spielberg, Federico Fellini, Richard Feynman, Timothy Leary, Robin Williams, Jim Carey, Mike Myers, Cameron Diaz, Bette Midler, Chuck Berry, Elton John, Mick Jagger, Gianni Versace, Liza Minelli, Joan Collins, Sarah Ferguson, Larry King, Joan Rivers, Regis Philbin, Howard Stern, John Belushi, and "Auntie Mame" (Mame).
 and we are known to be:
The Busy, Fun-Loving Type - Spontaneous, Versatile, Acquisitive, and Scattered

Here are a few interesting things I've discovered about personalities. The group you fall into will most likely be consistant for "most of your life", you can be a primary personality type with a secondary personality tendency, and that quizzing yourself can and will place you in a state of complete shock in learning that Howard Stern and yourself share the same personality type! I rather think he would have fallen into the "creepy" category. Then again, this experiment isn't about Howard - it's about myself and the Experiment House crew.

I fell into this type with the difference of one question between another category. In fact, when I took the quiz for a second time, it came out to be a complete tie. I'll let you guess what my secondary personality type is, if you like. But it's nice to know that the secondary type isn't so self absorbed as the enthusiast's is.

So as a basic overview of getting along with my type of personality, here are a few tips:
Don't try to cause me pain or I might pop you one on a bad day.
Give me attention when I need it a space when I don't.
Always expect me to be on the go.
I appreciate the small things in life and find deep meaning in everyday things.
I like to share my excitement with those around me.
I am a multi-tasking and multi-talented.
I am a sincere friend.

Hopefully, due to my counter balancing second place personality I will remain free of some of the unhealthy characteristics associated with enthusiasts:

Self-centered, materialistic, and greedy, addictive, hardened, and insensitive.
Addictions and excess take their toll: debauched, depraved, dissipated escapists, offensive and abusive. Often give up on themselves and life: deep depression and despair, self-destructive overdoses, impulsive suicide. Generally corresponds to the Manic-Depressive and Histrionic personality disorders.

How ironic that enthusiasts that become unhealthy often give up on themselves and life. But never fear. at this point I think I fairly healthy and stable. In fact I be more likely to write a poem about the awesome colors of fall than the impending cold of the coming winter. Heck in winter I get to make snowmen anyway. Cold - HAH!

Let me know what you think friends - I may be an enthusiast first, but what do you think comes in second?

I.F.'s Disposition Condition

Well... It's Friday, and as promised I took my Enneagram Personality Test. The free test, which is described as a ten-minute exam, only took me about two minutes to complete. I hope that didn't mess up the results.

The Enneagram personality types aren't written in general terms as if they were going inside a fortune cookie. Even though it's natural to see a little bit of yourself in each of the categories, each type paints a pretty specific picture. The Enthusiast, for example, isn't my personality at all. (But I'm guessing that someone else at Experiment House will get that verdict...) I really wanted to be the Individualist. It just sounded cool. But I scored much higher in two different categories.

With no further delay, the personality type that got the gold by one slim point was:

I really like the idea of being perceptive and innovative, because it makes me sound like Sherlock Holmes or Doctor Who. But secretive and isolated? Why do all the other personality types get lovable personality quirks in a "wacky TV neighbor" sort of way, but I get secretive and isolated? It makes me sound like any day know I'm going to pick up where Ted Kaczynski left off. But I have to remind myself that the internet is never wrong, so I have to take the good with the bad!

It also says that my key motivations are: "[Wanting] to possess knowledge, to understand the environment, to have everything figured out as a way of defending the self from threats from the environment." I wouldn't have worded it quite that way, but I can agree with that.

The other cool thing about the Enneagram website is that it describes how specific character traits for a personality type develop in healthy, average, and unhealthy scenarios. I discovered that if I'm emotionally well adjusted I will become "visionary and profound." That's good -- somebody please remember to say that at my funeral! If I'm just a slacker and decide to go with the flow I will most likely still end up being described as "studious and acquiring technique." Come to think of it, that's probably where I am right now! ...Oh yeah, if I really fall apart emotionally, I may have a "psychotic break with reality."

Check your mailbox!

Blog History Will Be Made!

The Enneagram is an ancient personality test with its beginnings shrouded deep in the mists of time. I'm not sure why the ancients were that concerned about their personality types, but that's what the internet tells me and you know it's never wrong. It's pronounced any-uh-gram by the way.

Since we've received so many e-mails from people lately about Experiment House and those who call it home, we've decided to let our readers get to know us better by taking personality tests and posting the results on this very blog tomorrow. Even though the free test will require 10 minutes of our time, we believe that YOU, the reader, are worth it. The test by the way is located at the website for the Enneagram Institute.

Will tomorrow be a day of joyous self-discovery at Experiment House? Or will we all be humiliated when our personality defects are revealed to the whole information superhighway? Find out when our results are posted tomorrow!

The Girl Behind the Screen Door

I saw something the other day that I just can't seem to shake. It was moment so intense that my mind captured the image leaving a permanent tattoo in my soul.

I was doing my job, dropping kids off after group and after I walked a child safely to their door and climbed into and sat down in a 15 passenger van full of chattering kids - my forward glance was captured by a pair of eyes.

The eyes looked not thru me, but into me. Sharing a lonely but trusting glance that can only come from a child. She was four of five years old. Her hair was braided into an ebony honeycomb on the very top of her head. Her brown skin shown warm in the afternoon sun, hi-lighting her huge charcoal eyes peering at me over the top of a rusty screen door.

At first her eyes looked empty, rather like a light-bright toy before it's plugged in. It's a state of soul that I often witness because I work with underprivileged kids every day. So sad, looking like the commercials you see about starving children other side of the world, except these are kids that live in my world. These kids aren't just starved for food, they're starving for love.

I smiled at her like I smile at all the kids. I don't give polite half-smiles. It's not something I really think about because I always smile, "Up to my eyes.". When my son was two or three, he would laugh at me because when we would play he'd tell me "Mommy, you smile up to your eyes." It was his way toddler way of telling me he loved it when I didn't hold my joy inside. To this day I have coworkers, parents and kids that give me nicknames like: Sunshine, The Pied Piper, or my personal favorite... Mary Poppins. Even to this day, if I want a grinning picture of my kids, I'll tell them - "That's it, smile up to your eyes!"

At first it looked as if those hollow eyes didn't know what to do. It reminded me of watching a new born colt trying to stand for the first time. Her eyes were just as unsure and wobbly as colts legs, but they were determined to sure up and make it. I couldn't see anymore of that child's face then the bridge of her nose, as she stood on tiptoe to peer back at me. Wobbly on tiptoe - but determined to make a connection with someone, with me.

In a moment, my smile was returned to me in the glimmering upturned smiling eyes of a child. The light-bright was plugged in and all the slots were full. The emotion of happiness expressed in that moment took my breath away and brought tears to my eyes. All I could do was smile back in return and pop my hand up to say "Hello" through the tinted glass of my windshield and the crisscross metal of her screen. The connection was made and she waved back to me with a small dimpled hand.

I kept eye contact with her until we pulled off of her dead end street and back out on the main road to take the rest of the group kids home. As I rode shotgun and my partner drove, I told her how powerful that 30 second eye contact exchange had been. She mentioned that she had noticed the girl when I waved at her, but I was the one that had "caught her eyes".
I thought about that as we drove past run-down houses and autumn trees. I caught her eyes, but I sent her mine.

I wonder how many times a day that little girl peeks out the screen hoping to make contact with someone else? Maybe she's o.k. and her family treats her well; but there was something in the way she looked at me that make me think I may have been the only friendly "Hello" all day.

I'm not sure why moments like this happen. There was something about her eyes and the emotion they conveyed that made me want to tell you about it. I felt her despair, hope, expectation, joy and awe all in the matter of a minute or less. Thank you little girl behind the screen door. Your eyes hold more wonder and potential than you will ever know. Whatever happens, keep smiling up to your eyes.

V.P. TV!

I was actually thinking about skipping the Vice-Presidential Debate last night. I mean, really, how important a factor is the running mate when selecting a presidential candidate? (Except that Who-am-I-why-am-I-here guy that ran with Ross Perot.) Every four years the news media have to remind the short attention-spaned American public what the Vice-President's job is for Pete's Sake! Everyone knows that the President lives in the White House, but does anyone know where the Vice-President and his family live? Does anyone care?

I had firmly decided on watching a remake of Frankenstein on the Hallmark Channel instead when my civic responsibility kicked in and I flipped over to CNN. I'm glad I did. Gwen Ifill of PBS was an excellent moderator who asked some excellent -- and I imagine somewhat uncomfortable -- questions of both candidates. The candidates were really punchy, and I must admit that Cheney comes off a heck of a lot better than his boss. I just don't buy his rhetoric.

As with spinoffs of a popular TV shows, I didn't have high hopes for the debate last night. But I turned out to be wrong. If the first Presidential debate was The Mary Tyler Moore Show, then the vice-Presidential debate was more of a Rhoda than a Phyllis.

Take It When You Can

You have to appreciate the everyday blessings in life.

• Lamont related to me how a teacher at school told her today, "You guys have done an excellent job with your kids. They're good kids." We really needed to hear that today. So often we feel sad about the things that are beyond our means to provide for them. It was nice to have someone notice their character rather than the labels on their clothes.
• Work was deserted today, so I ended up having lunch by myself. I hit the drive-thru at Wendy's and cruised around for an hour. As I was driving up a winding country road I was suddenly struck by just how achingly beautiful it all was: the changing leaves, the big fluffy clouds, the hills, the sunshine, everything.
• The finger-pointing squad is away on vacation, so I showed up for work in a nice warm sweater, comfy jeans and a pair of sneakers just because I could.

It's true. It is the little things that make life worth living...

Review: The Passion of the Christ

It's amazing the amount of controversy that still surrrounds Mel Gibson's The Passion of the Christ even in its DVD release. I thought I would convey some of my impressions of the work. My analysis of the film comes from a rather unique dual perspective -- I’ve made a career working in various communications media, and have also served in churches and nonprofit ministries as a volunteer and employee.

It doesn't quite sound right to say that I enjoyed the film -- quite the contrary, sometimes I had to avert my eyes from the onscreen action. So maybe it would be more accurate to say that I regard the film as an outstanding achievement. It's obvious from the first shot to the last that director Mel Gibson was captivated mind and soul by the story.

There are many opinions regarding the long-term effects of the film on American culture. Some say that it will lead to violence and discrimination against Jews, and if they prove to be right, it will be regrettable that this motion picture was ever conceived. Others of a more evangelical religious nature seem convinced that the film will spark a religious revival in America. I find it hard to share their optimism when the last dozen religious fads, all their promises of a great awakening unfulfilled, lay in a landfill somewhere buried under WWJD bracelets. I can’t help but think that if religious leaders in America stopped cheerleading a movie and actually showed evidence of being impacted by the words and deeds of the Person it was based on, both the church and the world would be a much better place.

"It is as it was" is an oft-repeated quote attributed to the Pope regarding the film. I disagree with that statement -- while the film is reverent with its subject matter, it is still a dramatic reinterpretation of the events of the Gospels, with additional scenes written in to flesh out the story. I didn’t discern an anti–Semitic slant in the narrative; indeed, the Romans are portrayed as “the heavies” of the piece, maybe even played in a little too exaggerated fashion to be taken seriously. I was more than a little surprised to see the character of Satan portrayed by a woman. What statement was Gibson trying to make by that unique approach to casting? Nobody I've talked to about the film seemed to notice or care. I wonder if people's reactions would have been different if the character of God would have appeared in the film played by a woman? It’s worth thinking about.

I first heard about this film last year on Harry Knowles' movie spy website, Ain't it Cool News. I have to admit that when I first heard that there was a Jesus movie being shot in Aramaic, my first thought was "this movie is going to sink without a trace." Foreign language films do bad enough in the USA, but movies that utilize uncommon languages, like Incubus (Esperanto) and Deafula (sign language), quickly end up gathering dust in a film vault somewhere. I was certainly wrong on that count. The Aramaic actually helped me suspend my disbelief in a way that a group of classically trained actors with British accents never could. (There are subtitles for key points of dialogue.)

A common mistake that many Biblical epics make is that they try to cover too much ground in one film. Remember The Bible (1966), which tried to condense most of the book of Genesis into one movie? Gibson showed a lot of wisdom in selecting a relatively short period of time for his narrative: the betrayal, trial, and crucifixion of the Christ. (Random flashbacks flesh out the characters, and the resurrection is briefly glimpsed at the end.) I grew up hearing this story all my life, so it was easy for me to put the story in its wider context; I do wonder how much sense the film makes to people that haven't had as much exposure to the Bible?

I have read a few articles in which reviewers, obviously moved by the suffering, question who the characters are and what motivates them. A few suggest that perhaps the story should have included more of the events leading up to Holy Week. But that wasn't the story that Gibson wanted to tell. Many of Jesus' teachings can be found in other religions and moral codes. Even the concept of blood sacrifice as a way to appease the gods goes back into prehistory and many varied cultures. But the important difference in the Gospel is its focus on Jesus as the perfect sacrifice of all time for an imperfect mankind. And that's a story worth telling.